“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:7-9
I start to get lax because I’m tired, or bored.
My little ones are happy and all is well in their worlds…and this lasts forever, right? No, of course it doesn’t. At some point, life will invade them in ways they don’t now anticipate. Confusion, heartache, curiosity will take new forms, and the bow that holds everything together beautifully will begin to come undone. This is the way of life in a sin-filled world. And very soon, before I’m ready, I won’t be so perfect in their eyes. But now, right now in this season, they are like little chicks following me and imitating me and cozying up under my wings where it is safe and the most comfy place in the world. Now is time for the sowing.
And yet, I’m inadequate. Good thing, I suppose, because if He’s strong in me when I am weak, than my sowing may well produce something beautiful in spite of myself.
“Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.” -John Piper
But even so, I must be diligent in my sowing, in instilling every bit of truth and wisdom and goodness into my little chicks. I may not be able to save their souls, but I can stick Words of life into their spirits. I may not be able to protect them from wickedness, or heartache, or struggles in their faith, but I can give them a foundation of grace and truth. I can give them unconditional love. I can speak words of affirmation over them and to them. I can pray with them and teach them to pray. I can encourage them to ask as many questions as they want about the world and the bible and God and Satan, and I can be honest when I don’t have an answer. I can teach them to always hope, because hope is the anchor of the soul. Our hope is in Jesus, the one who isn’t behind a veil, keeping us at arms length unless we prove ourselves. No, He stepped onto the earth, and then He stepped into our very Spirits. A divine mingling with the sin-infested. That’s what we have, who know Him. And that I can tell my children about, that they can have the divine living in them, helping them, counseling them, teaching them, and reminding them about grace. I want to do this, live this, every day. There are times of weariness, because sometimes I’m just tired or selfish, but I will not lose heart. I will not quit. I will not allow myself to “grow weary”; to give up. I will commit to sowing for the long haul, for the time that I have now.
“Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.” Proverbs 16:3
“You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.” Psalm 128:2
Have you considered what you’re sowing? What do you hope to reap one day?
My friend had just given birth to her first baby, and a tiny one at that.
Little Viv was a preemie, but such a cutie, and was finally home in the arms of her mama. I took a meal over to the family, chili and some fresh baked bread. I had no children at this point, and was so excited for my friend, I had a million questions. And I wanted to see the baby room! We sat down in her living room and she was trying to nurse, but was having a difficult time. I kept blabbering on about who-knows-what, asking questions, and looking around, while she was being polite and gracious but trying to focus on getting her baby to eat – which the baby would not do. I don’t know when I finally stopped talking and left, but looking back, I can’t believe my friend didn’t say to me, “Sarah, can we chat later? I need to nurse Viv now.” But she didn’t do that; her kindness covered my poor etiquette.
I really had no idea how inconsiderate I was being that day. I would never do that to a mama now unless she asked me to stay and chat.
Come on over to (in)courage with me and read the rest of my article, Grace For the Woman Who Doesn’t Know.
The necklace in the picture can be found here. (Affiliate link)
Here is what the front looks like:
Perhaps you’ve read my story.
I am a mama who lost her first baby through abortion.
For the longest time I was numb, detached, from what I did. I considered my self pro-choice, I guess. I wasn’t passionate about it, but would have probably defended a woman’s “right to choose” since I chose.
Pro-life commercials made me uncomfortable, and being in the presence of little children made me sad.
My junior year of college my roommate had to babysit a little girl who must have been four or five. She had blonde hair, and was so sweet. After meeting her I went to my room and cried, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t know where the emotions were coming from. It has taken me years to understand and unwind the emotions that were so bound up with my abortion. It touched so many areas of my being, yet I had no clue. Thankfully, by the grace of God and His gentle leading, I worked through my abortion with a kind counselor. Today, I can honestly say that I know what I chose was wrong, I’ve turned from my old ways of thinking, and my sin and the blood I allowed to be spilled is covered by the blood of Jesus.
I am forgiven. I have been set free.
But my spirit aches for the women who have lost a child or children through abortion, and keep the guilt concealed deep inside, sometimes not even knowing why they hurt. Why they wall up, or cry around little children; why they sleep around, or suffer from depression, or think that God is punishing them by not giving them more children. I have a message for those women.
I have a message for you, mama of the child you can’t hold.
Abortion has affected you, whether you know it or not. Your baby, the baby that was nourished from your body, was taken. You may have thought through your decision, or perhaps you were pressured or even forced into it. Whatever the circumstances, know this: there is a blood that covers the blood.
You don’t have to escape your feelings. I know how painful it is to “go there.” I know it’s easier to not deal with it. I also know that God redeems fully; you don’t have to be afraid. If you’ve not gone through a grieving process, if you’ve not received counseling, I plead with you to make yourself vulnerable enough to enter into the intricate, sensitive, emotional area of working through your abortion. It’s not easy to take the first step, and it’s really, really hard to go through abortion counseling. But it’s healing.
We were lied to. We were told that abortion was easy. Many of us who have had abortions know that our souls were scathed the day our baby was offered up to heaven before he or she had a chance to breathe in spring day, or dig her hands into a bowl of flour and feel the silk touch of it. Before they could run through a sprinkler, or dance, or have a first kiss. And now we must heal. Damage was done, and our soul needs to breathe free.
If you nestled a little one in your womb, you are a mama. You have a mama’s heart, even if you don’t know it.
I love you and I hurt with you. If you need prayer, leave a comment (it can be anonymous) and I’ll pray for you. If you want help finding a counselor, I’ll help you. If you just need to hear something that will offer you the final break to get help, then listen to this:
“It’s okay mommy, I’ll see you again one day!”
That’s what my little boy David, who is dancing with Jesus now, said to me in a dream that I know the Lord gave me.
Friend, you can be set free. And choosing freedom? That’s a choice you will never regret.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1
Photo Credit: baby’s hand, by sorarium
You can’t go back.
The days roll forward with indifference; It’s up to you to make them count. It’s up to you how you shape and stretch the hours to form the life you choose to live.
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard
Your children are at your mercy with their hours and their days and their mornings and their nights. You are the god of their time. Are you digging your fingers into the clay that is the moments and molding something worth keeping?
How are your days?
Read the whole article where I share how to live a life that matters at my friend Courtney’s blog, Women Living Well.
In other news, I’m starting a series on Monday called “Living a Life That Matters.” Check back tomorrow for details.
Photo Credit: Wooden Cross Copy