“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” Hebrews 10:14
I have a good man.
Oh, we’ve had our share of flip-outs, walk-outs, and tear-filled nights, and we’ve wondered, “can we make it?”. But we’re in this thing for the long haul.
One night, when I wasn’t so sure that I would make it for the “long haul”, I sat in my car crying, telling my sister-in-law that I couldn’t make my husband happy. I told her that he wished he had another wife, one who was good at cleaning and being organized and being disciplined, and that I just couldn’t live up to it. I hated the way I was, but I felt like I couldn’t change. She asked me if my husband had ever said he wanted another wife. “No, he’s never said it, but I know he would.” I believed he would. I believed he thought I wasn’t good enough, and I wore those thoughts, and it wore me down. She said, “Sarah, no one has the authority to tell you who you are, only God has that authority; only God sits on the throne. Not you, or anyone, or even your husband has the authority to tell you who you are.”
And with those words, my life and my marriage were dramatically changed.
Only God has the authority to tell you who you are.
I stopped giving my husband authority over who I am. Rather, I stopped believing my own false perceptions (he never asked or wanted to be responsible for how I perceived myself to be!).
If he gets mad at me for not cleaning enough, or not doing X,Y, and Z enough, I don’t wear it. What I mean is, I hear him, I respect him, but any perceptions that I’m not good enough because I’m not doing something or other enough is not something I let invade me.
Do not mistake me here. I love my husband, respect him, and value his opinions; I want to please him. Also, this is a two-way street. When I’m mad at him for something, any perceptions that he has that I think he is not good enough he doesn’t need to wear.
I am confident in who God says I am (and who He says my husband is), and He says I am perfect (complete) according to heaven. He says I am worthy of being delighted in and danced over, and that I am pleasing and holy and righteous right now, on my good days and and on my worse days (as John Lynch says).
The healthiest thing I’ve done in my marriage is believe God.
And our marriage is better for it, and it’s good, and it’s strong (not easy, strong).
Oh, and by the way, he never did want another wife, I was believing a lie. He has banned me from doing his laundry, but he loves me.
What is one thing that has helped make your marriage a healthy one?
My husband started reading this book and it began to change the way he thought about our marriage. After reading it, he sat down with me and began to really talk with me and ask me questions and he wanted honest answers and he was gentle and willing to listen to my concerns/struggles/issues with our marriage. Reading Beyond Ordinary has helped us tremendously (even though neither of us have had affairs) and has strengthened us and encouraged us. If you can, pick up a copy and read it with your spouse, or read it alone, but read it.
Would you like to have Sarah Mae’s articles delivered to your email inbox? Click here.