I Cried, Decided to Be a Better Mom, Then Yelled at My Kids

Feb 222013
 

IMG_2557

Yesterday I read the words of a mama who had just lost her 8 year old daughter, her beautiful Daisy Love, to cancer.

8 years old. 

My oldest is 7.

I bawled my eyes out. 

I said over and over, “It is settled in my heart that God is good.”

Then I cried some more.

And then I decided, as the mama said, to “Enjoy your gift. Breathe in the scent of your child’s hair, breath. Let them cook with you and make a mess of the kitchen. Play hide and seek with them, build sand castles with them, take them on picnics, read to them! Listen to them, value and respect them, never shame them. Your words they will carry with them their whole life and you have the power to give them wings or stunt their growth. Motherhood can be tough but it’s worth it. It can be exhausting, boring, tedious, but never for long. You blink and they’re grown.”

(I might cry again just posting this.)

{deep breath}

I went upstairs, hugged my babes, smiled at them, and about 10 minutes later was all, “If someone asks me for ONE MORE THING…!”

True story.

My renewed vision for motherhood lasted about 10 minutes.

Life doesn’t become easier just because we realize how sacred it is, or how quickly it can be gone, or how we might not have our little one to hold tomorrow. Life moves forward, and our sin-disease moves right along with it. Sin doesn’t give us a break, or care about our little ones, or pause when we need to re-group.

So how the heck do we live in the “blink”, before our babies are grown…or gone?

Really, how do we live?

I need to know, so I’m thinking hard and writing and reading and asking God and I think I’ll do this figuring out of sorts alongside you. Yes.

Come on back Monday?

We’ll start figuring out what it means, together, to Live in the Blink.

SM

Print this!

 Posted on:February 22, 2013  Uncategorized  Add comments
  • Sally F

    This scenario is classic ‘me’. After reading your book, I was all fresh and renewed…and yelling at my children. What’s up with that? Ugh. Let’s figure it out!

  • Florence

    No answer but such a good question… Thanks Sarah Mae, your words really do help me these days.

  • Ambre

    ohhhhhh noooooooo………we have been praying for Daisy Love…..I hadn’t checked her website for a few days…and just found out about her passing now on your post. I’m crying too. …… I can also relate to what you are saying……I felt so strong and confident after the Sally Clarkson conference in CA (I met you there……thanks so much for your encouraging words!! Do you remember me, with the weird-spelled name?, ha ha). I was a GREAT mom (or so I felt) for a couple of days…..and then real life settled in again. But, at least I was expecting it would come, and I have noticed that the Lord is helping me have a new mindset in this whole motherhood journey, many thanks to you and Sally Clarkson. I am still who I am, but I am slowly growing into new habits of thinking and speaking, and having grace with myself too. I refer back to my conference notes often. And I want to tell you that I loved meeting you in person…..you were so warm and inviting, just as you are in your writing. You earned my respect even more with how you received me. I felt valued by you, just by speaking with you for a few minutes and I want to say thank you. As moms we so often feel that other moms are better than ourselves, and you really help us all to know that we are in this together. Thanks too for giving me a copy of Desperate!! I’m really enjoying it!!! You and Sally are such a blessing!!!! (and oh yes…..I’m constantly trying to figure out how to live in the blink….I will be back on Monday!)

  • Jme Harris

    I’ve never read a blog that summed up so many of my Mommy-thoughts…made me laugh,cry & say to myself (over and over), “Exactly!” ~thank you for continuing to encourage and remind me that this wild ride with little ones is ‘normal’ and I’m not alone!

  • Mama S

    Sorry I laugh out loud reading the part “…one more thing” because it happens here ALL the time.

    “My renewed vision for motherhood lasted about 10 minutes.”

    maybe that is the secret, we should renew our vision for motherhood every 10 minutes, because lots of things can happen in 10 minutes :-)

    Have a great weekend sweet friend
    Love
    Renee

    • Tired but loving momma

      Love this thought! Renewing our vision every ten minutes! Thanks for that thought.

  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    Good stuff. I swear I resolve to be a good mom all the time only to turn around in the same breath and blow it. The battle can sure get exhausting.

  • BrookeEm

    Great article and look forward to more! Where do I find the desperate book??

  • Bre @ ~rooms FOR rent~

    Thank you so MUCH for being honest about this, I deeply struggle with this, and it pisses me off, breaks my heart, and makes me storming mad at the enemy constantly! UGH.. I feel defeated, try my hardest, rely on the Lord to be my strength, but I just can’t help but loose my temper. It has got to stop! Looking forward to further insight :)

    • TristineFleming

      I feel ya, sister!

  • http://www.facebook.com/heather.hollander Heather Causby Hollander

    I cried reading the Daisy Love post as well. The quote you posted from her sweet momma almost brought me to tears again. It is the truth that these years go so fast, life is so fleeting, and seems all the more quickly passing by since my kiddos have come along. My oldest will be 5 this summer, and I clearly remember her being so little and being so happy to be a mom! Since then, the love for my 3 kids is always there, but I often find myself yelling and getting so grumpy (and I hate that!). Oh sinful, sinful self! I want to enjoy this “blink,” and thrive here, so I am super looking forward to reading and working through this too!

  • Wani

    I think we all have times like that. When we feel our renewed enthusiasm for motherhood is short lived. Thank goodness we have a God who doesn’t tire of caring for us!

  • Sarah

    Amen. I’m so thankful for the babies, then yelling at the babies, then horrified I talked to them that way….and repeat. Praying for all the mamas reading and relating to this post to run to Jesus.

  • Dawn

    Great post – I have recently been thinking about what it means to “wait” as we wait in our adoption process, what it looks like to wait on the Lord. As I was thinking through this I felt the Lord say – Sometimes waiting on me is a long wait but sometimes waiting on me is that breath you take right before you go to yell at your children and the Holy Spirit gives you a breath to make a better decision. Sometimes “waiting on the Lord” is a quick small breath/moment!

    Blessings

  • Sixcallmemom

    You are not alone in this battle! I am so often forgetting and remembering and failing! I look forward to discovering with you! I am reminded that God has given us ALL things pertaining to life and
    godliness….now what!? :)

  • http://twitter.com/lauraday04 Laura Day

    I’m so relieved to know that i’m not the only one who does this! I have asked myself that same question so many times. Looking forward to figuring out the answer along with you & other mommas.

  • Soaring Eagle

    So glad to know I’m not the only one that does that. It’s very frustrating. Good thing our kids are ready for forgive us.

  • Angie

    Exactly! Thank you for putting into words and sharing what we struggle with to even admit to ourselves. Thank you for letting us know that we are not alone! I just renewed my vision too…. and well, I’m not sure it even lasted 10 minutes. Looking forward to Monday, to hear what God has placed on your heart. Wow… I just put in a sentence… looking forward to Monday! In the meantime, I’m going to pray and soak in His Word and see what He tells me to do in the Blink…. Blessings to you. You have added some great nourishment to this desperate Momma’s soul!

  • Sarah

    Sarah Mae,
    As I read your posts over time, not really just this one, it seems to me like you might be struggling with depression. Sometimes when things like getting out of bed and showering or doing the dishes have become a struggle, or we are constantly overwhelmed or irritable with the people around us, it can be a sign that we are living with depression. Sometimes things like depression or anxiety, self-esteem issues, social or intimacy issues can be effected by events that happened in our childhood, things that maybe we didn’t know how to cope with or put into perspective as a child, and they somehow become defining in a way that we might not realize. If this is not the case, then my sincere apologies. Just something to consider.

    • http://aftertheecstasythelaundry.wordpress.com/ Cynthia Schrage

      If this is depression, I want this kind, that allows you to have kids, write a blog, have books on Amazon, etc. I have depression. This is not depression.

  • Claire

    This scenario definitely applies to me. Thank you!

  • Clio

    I am crying too, and thinking how I have done (and will do) the same thing. I am going to get up and smell my kids hair, and tell them that God loves them and so do I and resolve to do better Then we will have breakfast and make a mess, and try to get everyone dressed to walk to ballet in 4 inches of snow, and we will be late and I will lose my temper and act like my children are a burden instead of a blessing. I will be very interested in reading what you and other moms think about “living in this blink.” It does go so fast… I will pray for you, for me and for all of us…

  • http://www.facebook.com/karie.k.preston Karie Kollar Preston

    I can completely relate to story. Thank goodness for grace and forgiveness. I think Mama S is right. We need to renew our vision for motherhood every 10 minutes. Thanks so much for posting.

  • Kw Lady In Red

    So true.. I absolutely know the feeling. I get so frustrated that I can’t overcome this quicker.. I don’t want them to grow up and then realize all that I’ve missed… I think its because we want to have our work done before we can feel relaxed to do the fun things… But the truth is.. Our work is never done.. There’s always going to be something to do. Laundry will always be there.. So will the floors to clean, or errands to run.I know you’ve all heard that before and even though the concept seems good its still a big challenge to apply that to or daily lives. I guess we need to keep praying to over come these issues. Praying for you all!

  • Leah

    This: “Life doesn’t become easier just because we realize how sacred it
    is, or how quickly it can be gone, or how we might not have our little
    one to hold tomorrow. ”

    I have tried to guilt myself into becoming a better mom before by forcing myself to read anything that might work, but the truth is, Sarah, only love, not guilt and fear can be the ultimate motivating factor for change.

  • Bethany

    I NEED the answer to this! :)

  • Amy Hunt

    AMEN!

    • Amy Hunt

      btw, I think we won’t ever. I think it’s that God wants us so tight to Him that He’ll always keep us dependent upon His grace, for us mostly, and for Him to remind us that He’s got these little ones; He is their Father, so much more than we are their mommies.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=521580184 Dawn Turchin Samuels

    We are all in the same boat because we are all human. I came across this story (link below) a couple of weeks ago that really reassured me as a mom – we cannot be SuperMoms 24/7 because life is…life. But we can ‘carpe moments’ when, with God’s help, we pulled it all together for a wonderful God/grace moment. That’s what I live for (and it’s a lot less pressure than being SuperMom. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

  • Alana P.

    OK, ditto to every reply here, and to your post! I struggle with this constantly… during my devo time this morning I kept coming to, what I thought was, a silly point, until God smacked me on the head. Seek the opportunities.. What? I was confused. Seek the opportunities… I kept remembering this scene in, Evan Almighty, where the wife is talking with “God” (morgan freeman) in a restaurant and she says she doesn’t understand why she’s prayed for family peace, etc. and it doesn’t seem to come. His reply… God doesn’t just GIVE us peace or patience or the ability to be a good mom. Oh, what a world it would be if we just got what we prayed for… What He does give us are opportunities to do those things. It’s what we do with those opportunities that matters. Me, I tend to last about the same 10 minutes and I realize I need to seek those opportunities more and be more accountable for them. I can’t wait for Monday and seeking answers to dealing with the opportunities with everyone! Thanks.

    • Hannah

      Such a good word! Thank you!

  • Lizette

    I’m relieved to see that I’m not the only mommy like this. Thank you for your honesty. I suppose we can just like Mama S suggests, renew our vision every 10 minutes. I see my daughter (the one driving me crazy) does that…. If she can – so can I? Or can I? We need to remember how precious they are and try to not let guilt become another chain in this vicious cycle.

  • Pc

    I can so relate, my daughter is 21, and son 18. I have done all that, and then in the last year, God has done a work in me, when I have stopped from raising my voice, and prayed for my kids, stopped from replaying what they did wrong and praying for them, stopped from seeking to get the last word in, I prayed. each time I was provoked I prayed. The calm would settle in and I could go and then speak in to them. or wait, and sure enough even my son now, will come and apologise. BUT if I react in anger even in my heart, it’s as tho my son can hear me on the otherside of the house and the battle rages between us altho not a word is spoken. So, I now pray for God’s wisdom for me and them. The quicker I pray, the quicker it is settled. I wish I had listened to the Holy Spirit years ago when the kids were little. Things would be different with my daughter. I suffered then through post partum, but I could have listened better, prayed and forgiven. When I asked years ago for God to help me, he gave me 1 Cor 13; but especially verse 5: Love keeps no records of wrongs.it always protects, trusts, hopes, always perseveres. They have grown up so fast, and I will use my mistakes to help others and support them in their walk with Christ. Bless you Sarah Mae for being authentic.

  • Hannah @ Boots & Feet

    Maybe part of the answer is in the “self-control” bit of the fruit of the Spirit? I struggle with this scenario all the time, the endless cycle of inspiration and conviction to stumbling again and again. I wonder if we’re all so caught up in being a “good mom” that we forget to be daughters of the King first? To have the discipline to give ourselves to the Lord to change our hearts, our attitudes, to infuse our minds with His Word, to be willing to be transformed, even though the way is HARD.

    • Hannah @ Boots & Feet

      I just read this from Katie Davis (Kisses from Katie): “Even though I may not be gentle by nature, I can, I must, be gentle by obedience. (Phil. 4:5).” I thought it applied well to this discussion.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lyn.davis.3958 Lyn Davis

    Sarah~i believe you asked a question today that every single mother has asked in her heart! I look forward to diving into this question with you…I feel the same. How do I LIVE OUT LOUD the intentions of my heart, especially living in the mundane with a sinful, fleshly nature? That is the battle! Thanks for your honesty~Lyn : )

  • Sara R

    Oh good. I so need this. Yesterday after reading about the power of the tongue I tweeted this, “May my words be honey not poison today.” and then I proceeded to loose it various times through out the day and what flowed from my mouth was most definitely not honey to my children’s hearts.

  • Mary Kelso

    Such enlightening words. I agree with another commenter, maybe we need to renew our vision every 10 minutes. Paul died daily, but then he wasn’t a mom…we just have to do it more often. Thank you for being so honest. Very refreshing.

  • hsmominmo

    I have to ask God for a “do over” Every.Single.Day. I’ll be stopping in next week!

  • Bethanie

    How many times have I said that–if I had a penny for each time every bill would be paid and our house would be paid for. I have had days like this. So so so many days like this. I homeschool my children, so they are with me 24-7. I couldn’t remember whether you did too. We all have our days like that. We love our children and I absolutely love Renee’s take on it. Renewing our vision of Motherhood every 10 minutes, Because alot of things can happen in 10 minutes. So, maybe that should be our goal for the time. Every ten minutes renew who we are and why we’re doing this or maybe every five, or maybe every minute. It’s a constant renewal, we never stop.

    ~Bethanie

    P.S. How can I get your book?

  • http://twitter.com/lisa_gslv Lisa Galleguillos

    So glad I’m not the only one who read Kate Merrick’s words then had a mom fail. I’ve been following their story for over a year now and it just really hits home. But I still blow it. My kids are 18,16, 13 and 5 and I still make really dumb mistakes with them, mainly due to frustration. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight my Rock and my Redeemer” Psalm 19:14 Remember, Jesus was perfect, we are not, this side of heaven anyway.

  • Julia

    I did the same thing that day. I read, I cried, I prayed, I yelled. Gah! Why is it so hard sometimes to just stay calm and gentle. Some women, I swear, were born with the 1 Peter 3:3-4 verse in their being. Quiet and gentle spirit does not come naturally to me…I’m looking forward to Monday:)

  • Dawn

    Thank you for the ebook!

  • Tameka

    Yes, I would definitely love to figure this out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/noel.mcneil.5 Noël McNeil

    I totally get what your saying. I will be sure that I’m not going to be easily irritated at the kids then then BAM…I am. Good thing God’s grace never runs dry. :)

  • TristineFleming

    When my mother died last year, the day after our son’s 3rd birthday, my life crashed in more ways than one. Since she had recurring breast cancer and had been battling it for nearly 4 years, her death wasn’t a surprise; however, it didn’t minimize the anger that began to boil up inside of me. I soon found myself yelling at our son more than I was even attempting to love him. And since him and I have such a unique emotional bond, he began feeding off of my emotions, and thus began our vicious cycle of madness together. Before I bought the book, Desperate, I would go to bed every night in tears and beg God to forgive me and promise that the next day I would be better. But each new day brought new madness and sorrow, and I could hardly contain my anger. Each day it escalated, despite my best intentions every night as I ended the day. And each night got worse and worse, because I knew in my heart I didn’t want to be like this, but I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried! This made me feel defeated and things then progressively got worse. So much so that there were many moments where I felt if I pushed it I was really going to cross a dangerous line with my son. And as I then began to battle that pain, thinking I was the most horrible mother on earth, the sample of the book Desperate was released. I read and wept…and wept…and wept. This sigh of relief came over me and I immediately ran from one town to another to purchase the book. I’ve said it before and I’ll proudly say it again…that book saved my life! While I still battle that anger as we round the year mark of my mother’s death, it’s better. I’ve found new ways to express it that won’t hurt me or my son emotionally anymore. And there was a part in the book that make me realize, “This is my last chance. I’m 44 years old. I won’t have anymore children after this. I better appreciate what I have now, even if it’s the more horrible day I’ve ever had…I must cherish it and find the blessing it in somehow. I won’t get this time back with him…EVER!” I’m far from perfect, but I’m “desperately” trying with God’s grace and mercy. I don’t ever want to look back on this time and regret that I missed so much!

  • Hannah

    I have felt like this for years. I have the typical ups and downs but my downs are so bad. I hate myself for doing what I hate (yelling, shaming, etc.). Sometimes I even wish I could rid the world of me. I never would but… I have prayed and begged and tried all I know to get myself into the flow of grace that I need but it can sure get to feel hopeless. I have had the thought come into my head many many times that if the kids had a perfect Mom and their life was perfect they would never realize their need for God. I can see something to that, but I don’t want to accept that either. :( Anyways, thankful to know I’m not alone and I will be watching what comes next.

  • Xochitl

    Sarah, did you come into my house? I did the exact thing I read Daisy’s mom words and too cried and 10 min later it’s me again. Ugh! See you Monday can’t wait to read what you have for us.
    Thanks for the encouragement I’m not alone :)

  • http://www.outofmyallegedmind.com Nancy Franson

    I’ve spoken at a number of baby showers at my church–you know, done the godly mom pep-talk thing. I’m thinking that, from now on, my message is always going to be a variation of: You will fail, and miserably. And your failure will show you how desperately you need Jesus. Not “Every Hour I Need Thee,” but “Every Heartbeat I Need Thee.”

  • Sara

    Had a moment like that too… Only yelled and got frustrated as I was heading out of town on an airplane… I felt so guilty and cried the whole way to the airport. Was still upset with my self (and my actions) and opened my Bible as I couldn’t concentrate on ANYTHING else.

    The verse I opened to James 3:2 (controlling the tongue):
    Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we
    would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

    Thank you Lord for allowing us to be human and for helping us to chase the guilt away!!

    Hope that helps, totally saved my day!

  • Jennifer Smith

    I loved this! And agree with others here, it’s not a daily dying to self, but a moment by moment dying to self, renewing our minds and vision about mothering, every 10 minutes! LOL!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000477500657 Amanda Espinoza

    The story of my life! :) Love

  • http://www.facebook.com/christine.samaan.1 Christine Samaan

    What if. . . Instead of trying to achieve perfection and then becoming bombarded by guilt when we inevitably fail. . . We were to model how we would like our children to act when they make mistakes and ask for their forgiveness ourselves when we fail or even allow them to hear us ask God for forgiveness.. Then perhaps we could share with them how important it is to us that we treat them well, and ask them to let us know when they feel hurt by our words or actions so that we can make it right (just as we would like for them to learn to do). My four year old will tell me now “mommy you’re not talking to me so nicely” when my tone begins to reflect my exasperation. And I’ve found that if I respond to her with gentleness – and accept her reminder, it becomes much easier for us to get back to the task at hand and she becomes more cooperative. Maybe, the secret to “living in the blink” is actively seeking, granting and receiving forgiveness. . . Maybe, as mothers and as wives, we are called to set the tone of forgiveness in our home. And maybe, just maybe, that is how we could change our world.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ginger.mosley.5 Ginger Mosley

      Yes. Yes. Yes.

  • Nicole

    I read about Daisy as well today. I told my 8 year old son, through tears what had happened. He was sitting at the kitchen table STILL working on his school work. (I homeschool) I too, was rebuked, I too thought about the moments wasted and not cherished, and then I too did battle with my flesh and lost as I heatedly dealt with my son and his lack of obedience, his carelessness, his lack of respect. . .and then the Holy Spirit had to deal with me. I posted your quote on my fb wall today. .. “Life doesn’t become easier just because. . ” TRUTH! Thank-you-I needed to read that today.

  • Charley Me

    Has anyone else noticed a huge change in mood when hungry? I have this bad habit of not eating lunch (even if I give the kids lunch and snacks) and then just letting my hunger get to the point of hypoglcemia and I become enraged. I’ve only really in the past few months started to notice a correlation between this. Just yesterday I kept putting off lunch and by the time I started to prepare for supper I was famished to the point of a headache and fogginess. The thing is I don’t really feel that hungry and by the time I get to this point it is too late. The worst thing is how angry I become. Uncharacteristically angry; irrationally angry and my poor children suffer for it. It was over an hour after I ate until I felt in control of my emotions. It just now came to mind that I’m probably not eating the right foods to keep my blood sugar levels even in the first place. It all goes back to Desperate teaching us that we have to care for ourselves as moms in order to care well for our children. Anyways, just thought I would throw the reminder out there that sometimes outbursts can have a physiological cause. But also to remember that just the fact that they bother us means we are seeking the fruits of His Spirit.

  • Charley Me

    Has anyone else noticed a huge change in mood when hungry? I have this bad habit of not eating lunch (even if I give the kids lunch and snacks) and then just letting myself become famished to the point of hypoglcemia and I become enraged. I’ve only really in the past few months started to notice a correlation between this. Just yesterday I kept putting off lunch and by the time I started to prepare for supper I was famished to the point of a headache and fogginess. The thing is I don’t really feel that hungry and by the time I get to this point it is too late. The worst thing is how angry I become. Uncharacteristically angry; irrationally angry and my poor children suffer for it. It was over an hour after I ate until I felt in control of my emotions. It just now came to mind that I’m probably not eating the right foods to keep my blood sugar levels even in the first place. It all goes back to Desperate teaching us that we have to care for ourselves as moms in order to care well for our children. Anyways, just thought I would throw the reminder out there that sometimes outbursts can have a physiological cause. But also to remember that just the fact that they bother us means we are seeking the fruits of His Spirit.

    • http://aftertheecstasythelaundry.wordpress.com/ Cynthia Schrage

      Very true about how not eating correctly can cause me to lose it. Good to remember!

    • Sarah

      I call it “Hangry”.

    • http://twitter.com/lisa_gslv Lisa Galleguillos

      Yes I’ve always realized (alot of times too late) this with kids but never seem to make the correlation to my self lol. Good reminder!

  • Lindsay

    Whoa. I really loved this. Thanks for sharing this and I couldn’t agree more. I know in my head what I SHOULD do and say almost always, but unless I let the Holy Spirit lead me in each moment, it doesn’t happen. Learning. Failing a lot. But there is hope for me yet. Thanks Sarah, first time I’ve read your blog and I will be back:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/rochelled Rochelle Dunsbergen

    absolutely. i will come back.

  • Esther E Hawkins

    Oh, I so do this! Thank goodness I’m not the only one – I beat myself up every day! I will be looking out for your post on Monday.

  • Tiffany Harper

    Thank you so much. I did the same thing yesterday after listening to a woman teach on how to effectively love and be there for your children. *sigh* But I am thankful for His grace. I so desperately want to be the Mama my babies need. One who snuggles, giggles and plays with them…not always occupied with the chores and duties often calling for my attention. Thank you for your honesty.

  • HMcLean

    Please never stop blogging! It’s so amazing how God gives us the perfect blog or article to read, or friend to talk to when we’re going through something. Right now, my son is two. And I love him to BITS. But my goodness…every two minutes I find myself getting frustrated with him not listening to me, or touching things he shouldn’t or throwing something…I feel like I regroup and try to be a better mom a million times a day and then like you said, 10 minutes later I’m forgetting.
    I’m not sure what the answer is, but I’m just really thankful for your blog and your honesty. I often read your blog and feel refreshed and renewed. So thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cyndy.chambers.1 Cyndy Chambers

    THANK YOU for this! I just had a day FILLED with TEN MINUTE intervals!! Thank goodness ~ DESPERATE is on the shelf CALLING my name!!

  • Laurel :)

    I’m not a mom. But. I still relate to this. Thank-you for the transparency. Together is the only way to figure life out! Thanks, Laurel (www.drlaurelshaler.com)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sjcovey Sarah Covey

    This is at the heart of the Christian experience, right? The Apostle Paul got it. It has to be God doing the work because we’ve got nothing. No amount of wishful thinking or good intentions is going to accomplish the work He has started. I’m just trying to figure that out in practical terms and actually live in that holy dependency. My resolve has no results. I would think that all mothers can identify with the juxtaposition that you describe. Somewhere between grace and will power, a balance can be found (not that I’ve found it, I just choose to believe in that hope). I’m interested in your take on the “blink” that is our window as mothers. Looking forward to your posts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/boshemia Ayngel Boshemia

    It still happens to me and my kids are teenagers. as my youngest used to tell me. Its okay when you have a bad day mommy, you can always start your day over.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ginger.mosley.5 Ginger Mosley

    Thanks for keepin’ it real Sarah Mae. Forwarded this to my young mommy friends. Grateful for God’s infinite, available grace for all of our failures!

  • Roxanne

    We tell them EVERY TIME we think of it how much we love them–how proud we are of them–how blessed we are that God gave them to us. And when we mess up, we apologize and ask them to forgive us. Living “in the blink” (loved your phrase) is a set of decisions and revelations every day. May God give us the eyes of wisdom to recognize it.

  • Dawn @TheMommaKnows.com

    Live in the blink. YES. We have a potential situation right now that may force us kicking and screaming into that blink. I’m becoming more aware of it all the time. Good words.

  • Greta OHalloran

    I cannot tell you how much you speak to my heart, Sarah. Thank you for your honest words. Thank you for helping me to not feel alone in this. God bless the ministry you share with us all.

  • Jane Babich

    Dear SarahMae, You really have hit a spot. In the “blink” between 7 years old and 21 years old. Then again “blink” and they are 25 and what is more you are 50! The “blink” happens to them just as it happens to us that are watching (not wanting it to happen) them grow. So why do we blink… it is not really known except it is the natural part of our bodies way to keep our eyes healthy. So in a “blink” a time of keeping our lives healthy, God allows the “loves” our life to grow up. And in a “blink” they look and realize Mom & Dad are wiser than they thought. As hard as it is we must keep “blinking” because it keeps everyone healthy!

  • ajrbmom

    The problem is that we try to do this in our own strength, our own resolve. We forget that Christ lives in us waiting for us to surrender ALL to Him. I find myself often in the same situation. I resolve to be this or that in my own power until Christ reminds me it is only through Him that I am strong, that i have any power at all. I can do nothing on my own. Christ must command our thoughts and words and actions, only then can we begin to see the change we so desire.

  • LindsyGriffis

    Yes… the childhood that once seemed to last forever, I now realize was only a blink of an eye! Living in the blink is exactly it… learning to be intentional in the monotony and exhaustion. I can’t wait to read more from you!

  • http://twitter.com/janellewrites Janelle

    Oh sister, I think we all could have written this, had we been brave enough to expose ourselves, to be raw, and real. Bless your beautiful heart, my dear.

    Janelle

  • http://www.facebook.com/joi.hazinskipokerwinski Joi Hazinski Pokerwinski

    Thank you for being so honest. It sounds just like me as well. Christine, good insight. I just received a book from my Pastor called “Unglued” by Lysa Terkeurst. The first three pages I was in tears wondering how this woman wrote a book from my own thoughts and feelings when she doesn’t even know me. I’m still in the midst of reading it but I highly recommend it for all the mom’s who feel “Unglued”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joi.hazinskipokerwinski Joi Hazinski Pokerwinski

    Sorry Sarah Mae, I just realized I’m posting a book by another author on your site. Please forgive me. Just trying to be helpful. I will be getting your book to read as well, just the one I received was just recent and free so I was reading on the same things as I came across your site. Thanks!

    • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

      I don’t mind at all! :)

  • Jennifer

    I’m pretty sure you looked into my house this weekend and wrote this based on my life!! ACKK! Thank you for writing and I’ve loved reading the comments as well!

  • Dandi

    My friend linked this on Facebook and I read this after I have just put my toddler to bed and I read with understanding (as I am also a teacher who must discipline and and love my students, too) and I would love to know how you will decide to balance the harsh reality of life with your value for it :)
    Also, just to add, it is “bawled” to mean to cry uncontrollably. Thanks for sharing this great post!

    • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

      So embarrassing about the spelling! THanks for the edit!
      Not sure how I’ll balance it, but I going to try and figure that out!

  • Nancy@ThereIsGrace

    Wow. I have done this more times than I care to count. Thank you for sharing so beautifully honest with us.

  • http://www.beckykopitzke.blogspot.com/ Becky Kopitzke

    Oh, I’m so there with you. Tell me how, tell me how – to live in the blink. I’m terrible at it. And I so desperately want to make the most of these years.

  • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

    Wow. My heart grieves for that family. On Friday evening a friend of ours lost her 25 year old son to drugs. He was a year older than our oldest son. I cried with her and then the next day I complained to my oldest son about leaving his stuff lying around. Then teared up realizing how much she would wish for her son to leave his stuff lying around at that moment.

    I am in that moment. My children are grown. Yet even so, I still have to remind myself to cherish the time I have left with them while they are at home (the oldest lived away from home while he was at college his last two years, then moved back last spring). I will pretty much drop everything and go with them anywhere, when they request it. (You haven’t lived until you’ve taken a late night Winco run or a walk in the midnight snow with your sons)

    I will meet them for lunch somewhere even if I am in the middle of making mine, for isn’t that what fridges are for?

    If they ask if 9 big hungry guys (most over 6 feet tall) can come over and watch a movie and eat our food at 11:00 at night, I say yes, even if I am tired and all that noise and hollering and eating and laughter is louder than my tired ears and mind can bear. (You haven’t lived until you’ve smelled five pounds of bacon cooking in your kitchen and watched them eat it all….wondering why you had five pounds of bacon in the first place and know that it’s a God thing)

    For it becomes laughter to my ears and sweet memories that I tuck away in my soul. My babies are grown. I can’t rock them anymore. But I can love them, hug them, and be proud of the men they have become.

  • http://www.beardsforbreastcancer.com Adam Martin

    Sarah,

    This is very true and I feel myself feeling this way a lot. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  • Momof5

    I have been thinking about how to live in the blink. We have 5 children and the days, weeks, months, seasons and years are passing by so quickly. I don’t need to be 70 to recognize that life is short. I know it now, but time has a mind of its own. I can’t trap it in a bottle to spend on another day. How do I enjoy these moments while still living in the reality of housework, stress, and full time work outside the home?

  • Jen N

    Sarah- your openness and honesty touch me. That is what hit me as I read the book that you and Sally wrote. Finally, another Christian Mom who feels some of the things I have felt. God spoke to me through the book and so often through your blog writing.
    Thank you…and yes “God is Good!!!”

  • http://www.blackhillspicturebooks.com/ Christa Upton

    Thank you for this post; I’ve been there! I totally agree with Christine–we can model apologies, accountability, and forgiveness, to set the tone in the home!! Awesome!! Also we can ask God to help us (and ask Him to help us receive His help! :) )

  • Stephanie @ One Sleepy Mom

    I love this post. It’s so good to know I’m not the only imperfect mom out there!