4 Ways to Forgive (When You Don’t Know What to Do With The Unfairness of it All)

(Can’t see the video? Click here.)

Recap of the video:

Recently, I was wronged by someone, and I have been really having a hard time letting it go. The situation feels so unfair, and I have just felt so angry and lost as to how to deal with it. Last night I was up at midnight praying and asking God what to do with my feelings, with all the unfairness, and how to genuinely move on. Below are the thoughts that were impressed on my heart.

4 Ways to Forgive (When You Don’t Know What to Do With The Unfairness of it All)

1. Say to God, “Lord, I feel like this situation is so unfair and I feel so wronged and I don’t know what to do with it, but I trust that you do know what to do with it. You know me, you know them, and you see all the things I don’t. Plus, I know you love me and have my back (as well as their’s), so here you go God, it’s all yours.” In other words, trust God with the person and the situation.

2. Would you agree that life is hard? It is, and the fact is, nobody gets a free pass to skip the battle, not even the person who wronged you. When I remember that truth, that everyone is facing a hard battle, I can have compassion on the person who wronged me. Also? Think about all the times you have wronged someone. Yea, that helps me to be more compassionate as well.

3. Is there something I have done that I should ask forgiveness for with the person who wronged me? Ask it. And ask without expectation that you will be asked for forgiveness in return. Free and clear, ask genuinely (ask God to show you where you may have gone wrong/offended).

4. Choose to be a person of the light. The enemy wants nothing more than to keep you in the dark – seething, feeling vengeful, getting worked up, having major lack of peace – he wants you faraway from forgiveness, because forgiveness shines blindingly, beautifully bright.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that…” Martin Luther King, Jr.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes 

Love, SM

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kazzeo Kazzeo Kz

    Thank you. That was most helpful.

  • Ashley Schnarr

    Wow. Thank you. I needed this. You just don’t know how much.

    Forgiveness is a choice and an action not necessarily a delighted feeling.

  • DittoAshley

    I just recently went through something myself, and I had the HARDEST time forgiving. I had to PRAY and KNOW that it is now is God hands, and I needed peace to move on.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.j.hill.31 Amanda Johnston Hill

    Good reminders and perspective.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dawn.paoletta1 Dawn St Amand Paoletta

    A good word…forgiveness is so hard, yet the alternative is spiritual death- sounds harsh but ultimately it leads right there. Lord, help us remember and follow you down the road of forgiveness and thank you that you can handle our honest feelings…and we can leave them right at the foot of your sweet, triumphant cross, trusting you really do understand. Amen.

  • CindyFord

    Sarah, thank you so much for sharing. You have given me hope because I have been struggling with forgiveness myself. This has really helped me, and I will refer back to it often until I am truly living it! God bless :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1662667622 Mayen Handy

    Thank you for this. i have been going through some need to forgive because of inner hurts (from childhood). I have written down each hurt I can remember by year and am forgiving each individual for every hurt caused. This is NOW for me… it seems like at every turn HE gives me more help! :)

  • http://www.onfaithandcoffee.com/ Heather N.

    Thank you for sharing this word Sarah. I really live the idea of forgiving because we TRUST that God has our back. That really made an impact on me, I will definitely look at future situations from that place.

  • http://www.momsmustardseeds.com/ Rebecca Brandt

    Yes, forgiving – it’s not something we can choose to do. we are told to. We must find the strength to become less by bending and submitting so HE can be more. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.

  • Rosann

    Sarah Mae, you have no idea how timely this message is. Recently I discovered some of my intellectual property had been altered and used for another Christian’s glory and after several attempts to point out the wrong to them, still to this moment receiving absolutely no response or correction to the error, I found myself in prayer this morning asking God to reveal to me what needs to happen next. I have had every emotion of anger and feelings of violation you can imagine the past 24 hours. I mean, I’ve let it consume me. And the JOY I lost as a result…*sigh*… and then this morning after praying, I watch your video and I heard God’s voice, answering the prayer I prayed just minutes earlier. Forgiveness. God knows. <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/jamie.coburn Jamie Ivester Coburn

    Sarah Mae, thank you for this post. Your blog is such a blessing to me every time I read it. This was so timely. God is surely using you!

  • http://www.asimplehaven.com/ Jenn at A Simple Haven

    Perfect timing, Sarah Mae. This is so applicable to a situation in a my life. I like #3 especially–owning your own part can help so much in the reconciliation process. And, regardless of outcome, it’s just the right thing to do….which I think can bring a peace to your own heart.

  • http://www.barefoothippiegirl.com/ Barefoot Hippie Girl

    I think that there is no harm in telling God that you think the situation was unfair. Just pour out your heart to Him. It is less being honest with God than truly being honest with yourself. Then God becomes our refuge. Psalm 62.

  • http://www.kmlogan.com/ KM Logan

    I love the MLK quote, it sums everything up.

  • Karla

    Thank You :)

  • anuradha

    Dearest Sarah Mae, with deep gratitude I thank you for opening your heart for everyone. This post and the video came as God’s answers to my prayers all last night on the same issues — and a big smile washed over my face to see the much needed words of wisdom coming through you! Much love, Anuradha

  • http://twitter.com/ShanMKWalker Shan Walker

    What a wonderful post and video. Thank you so much for sharing this. I know that it will speak volumes to many besides myself and help all of this with such a reality of our world. Thank you for you transparency!
    Blessings,
    Shan
    The How to Guru

  • Carri

    Thank you for sharing this. I have been in situations since early last year were I felt I have been wronged. And just when I think I am steadying well from one situation another one seemed to come along. People would tell me “You have to forgive”, “You have to move on” but no one seemed to be able to give me practical ways on how to do that. I’m printing this blog out and keeping it on hand so these ideas will be fresh when I feel the hurt and betrayal rising up again inside me!

  • http://twitter.com/gracecalling Janelle Marie

    Oh sister, such words of wisdom. I’ve found that once I truly understood grace, and how much God forgives me, and how important forgiving us is to Him, I’ve been able to forgive some of the most unthinkable things, and in turn have compassion on them at the same time. I believe it’s all part of becoming more Christ-like, which should be all our goals in life.

    Bless you,
    Janelle Marie