Just When I Thought Moms Weren’t Really *That* Desperate

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I’ve gotten comfortable.

I’m not desperate. I’m happy. My kids are older, they’re sleeping through the night, and they mostly play nice. I’ve got a good husband who watches our children at least twice a week in the afternoon after work so I can write. Or buy candles. (It’s a thing).

Also? I haven’t been depressed in a long time, which is just light.

And right there, between sleeping and getting away and experiencing light, I forgot. Even though I wrote a book about it, I forgot.

Already.

But then I got a letter this morning, and it reads like so many letters I get. So many, in fact, that I started tuning out because I got overwhelmed. Because I can’t help everyone, but I want to.

This is a portion of the letter:

“I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m drowning…They are the most willful, difficult kids I’ve ever known. When we visit friends who have kids the same age the difference is night and day. I do my best not to compare, but I can tell that my girls are much more… um. Spirited….I am so, so alone. My husband helps when he’s home but often works 13 hour days, and I don’t understand it, but I cannot seem to find any girlfriends…I have tried everything I can think of…I don’t want to do this mothering thing by myself, and my heart is breaking, and I am so lonely. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to find my solace in our Savior right now, but I am so desperate for community and real bonds.”

For the first time in a long time I wrote back. Because I don’t want to be the person who forgets, or ignores it. And what I said to her I want to say to you:

I wish I could reach out to each of you individually, invite you to coffee, watch your children, be your friend, make you cake. Because I would. I hate that you are so lonely and so discouraged. I know you’re just tired, and overwhelmed, and you’re doing your best with what you’ve got. Oh mama, hang on. Hang on. It doesn’t sound like much, but I want you to know I will pray for you. I will. And I’m hoping with you and for you for a friend, and for light and for encouragement, because what you are doing matters so much. And you, you matter. You matter to me and you matter to God and you matter to those little ones in your care. As Kat says, you are kind of a big deal.

So I know I can’t be there for you personally the way I’d like to, but I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to pray for you by name. Would you leave a comment with how you need prayer? If you don’t leave your name, that’s okay, I’ll whisper on your behalf anyway. I’ll be up early interceding for all of you who leave a comment.

I waited and waited and waited for God.
At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn’t slip.
He taught me how to sing…

Psalm 40:1-3, The Message

There’s one more thing I can do for you, and I’ll tell you all about it on Tuesday. If you don’t want to miss the post, you might want to consider signing up to receive my posts via email; you can do that here.

Keep on, friend, keep on.

Sarah Mae

P.S. The winners of Desperate and its DVD Companion Guide are Jennifer, Kimberly, and Kadonna. Congrats! I have sent emails to each of you.

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  • Netta

    Please pray for me to have energy. I need to enjoy my kids, enjoy HS. I never have visitors. For years it’s been this way without a car, four kids. I’m hanging on. My joy gets lost in the midst, but I am not giving up. I just need motivation. Solitary for 15 years and counting.

  • Laura G

    Sarah Mae, thanks for posting this today, I do have a community of mommy friends, but I can totally relate to this reader, because right now I have 2 little boys under 2 and some days it is so hard and tiring and I just want to go hide by myself somewhere. Thanks for writing Desperate, it’s nice to know that this is a season and I will get through it.

  • Amy

    Today has been a good day, but so many days I struggle to be a “happy” mom for my 3yr old and 10month old. A little extra prayer for me to keep working on patience would be so appreciated! :)
    ~Amy

  • Jennifer Sandvos

    Sarah you really are an awesome mom. My heart breaks for that mom. I also pray she finds community and true friendships.

  • Ashley

    Say one for me. Just found out Im pregnant with my third. A complete surprise. I have a 4 and 2 year old. IM completely overwhelmed. Thank you dear.

    • Cameron

      Ashley, I hear you! If you need to vent I’m a momma that has been in your shoes! I have a 6 year old son(VERY strong willed!), 3 (soon to be 4) year old daughter, a 21 month old daughter, and a 1 month old daughter who was a complete and total shock and surprise! camerongruetzner (at) gmail. (dot) com

    • ashley

      My name is Ashley too, I have a 4 yr old, 2 year old, and 6 month old. You can do this:-) And Im overwhelmed too, trying to learn how to dance in the storm over here ;-)

    • Lindsey Brackett

      Ashley I had a complete surprise 4th and cried the whole time it seemed. You can read my story here if you want.
      http://www.lindseypbrackett.com/2013/02/when-good-doesnt-work-way-you-expect.html

      I’m praying for you. I so understand that overwhelming feeling. Just believe God chose you for this. He will see you through.

    • Allison Stephens

      Been there, done that, got the T-shirt! :) After the shock wears off, the tears of fear are dried…you hold that little one and the second he is born, you wonder what life was like before him!!!

  • CF

    I would appreciate a prayer as well. I’ve read desperate & loved it! For months I was feeling joy & light! But the last few weeks have been rough. We just started Homeschool kinder/pre-k with my 5 & 3 year old & I have a 1 year old. I want to be life & light, not grumpy & yelling. Thank you for your blogs & prayers & all you do. You are making a difference in SO MANY lives!

  • heather

    where is this mom. I am in colorado, if by chance she is near me I would love to talk to her.

  • Sarah B

    Please pray for me. Two rambunctious little gals whom I adore and a sick mama from baby #3 are making it a little tough. I know this too shall pass just trying to make it through :) knowing you are prayed for helps so much :) blessings and prayers for all you mamas!

  • Tiffany

    I can relate to this mom in that motherhood is a lot right now. I love my boys to pieces. I don’t love the mother I am to them right now. I want to get back to the one I love, the patient, gentle, less distracted mommy they deserve! Please say a prayer that I will have more patience, a more gentle tone and more focus on my young boys. A small prayer that my three year old would be more gentle in his interactions with his 11 month old brother would be so appreciated too! :). I will say a prayer for the other lonely mamas out there too.
    Love, Tiffany

  • Liz

    31 weeks pregnant, 3 year old sons behavior, marriage

  • Trisha

    I’m a homeschool mom of four and don’t have real friends close by. I’ve also been battling a heart problem for 9 months. I’ve prayed and looked for friends for years. Someone once told me that if I don’t have them, I don’t need them or else God would provide them. Somehow my heart doesn’t agree. I’m praying for this group too.

    • Kathryn G

      Praying for you Trisha. I am also struggling with a heart problem that leaves me often exhausted, and about to start homeschooling my oldest, and have been seeking friends here for a long time. I am still hoping in Him to provide!

  • Lv2bemommy

    That perfectionism would take a hike and I would lean into Christ, moment by moment. I know His power is made perfect in my weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 <3 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. <3 Leaning into Christ, especially in my weaknesses! (Lisa)

  • http://jacobsbeloved.blogspot.com/ Rachel King

    I’m so glad I stumbled on this, it felt like I was reading a letter I had written myself. I live in this tiny little town that is very clicky, and my one friend is moving away, and I can so relate. I could use one of those prayers, too.

  • Émilie Léonie Pelletier

    Please pray for us too, For the strenght to stay calm and kind to my 3 blessings while dad’s away. Also for my hubby taht he’ll be safe while on the sea. I’m a mom of 3 ( 6,7,5months) and my husband is a fisherman, only a month and a half left without him but I’m starting to go weary..

  • Bethany

    I have 3 kids–4 1/2 yo daughter, 2 1/2 yo son, 6 mos daughter. I am having a difficult time with my son. He loves his baby sister, but hurts her several times a day. Just this morning I was holding my 6 month old and he swiped the pacifier out of her mouth by basically clawing her face and scratched it in 3 places so she was bleeding. I lost my temper with him. I need prayer for patience with him and discernment on how to handle him. He is all boy and he’s 2 and I don’t like being such a grump and always getting upset with him. He is a cutie and I love him, but I have been struggling with him a lot recently. Thank you Sarah Mae!

  • Jenny

    I know God has a plan and I’m trying to be patient but I’m losing it … I have two step daughters 12 & 15 the oldest is out to make our life anything but peaceful! CPS / police you name they have stopped by due to accusations …. My husband works 16 he days 7 days a week most weeks !!! Oh did I mention i have our son that is one !!! He is ALL BOY !!! Trying my best but I losing hope :-(
    The Strickland family !

  • Amanda Gaspard

    Say one for me please. I struggle everyday to have energy and patience and be loving and happy and not yelling at my 5 yo and two 4y year olds.

  • Melodie

    Mommy to 3 little boys. Just started homeschooling my oldest that is 5. He’s my most difficult child. Rebellious, short tempered and often angry. It may be a challenging year but i feel called this direction so we are taking it one day at a time. I sometimes fear this rebellion still being present in 10 years. I have to give him to God continually. I want this schooling experience to be a positive one. And I want my relationship with him to grow and thrive because of it.

  • Michelle Urdak

    Endurance with a positive attitude. My husband works LOOOONG hours. I feel like a single mom much of the time. I try to keep a good attitude. I try to spend time in the Word and on prayer, but lately I find myself angry. I don’t like it. Thank you so much!

  • Denise

    I WAS that Mom a few years ago. By God’s Grace I got through it. My husband worked 24-72 hour shifts and with me home with two babies in a city with no great bonds with friends. I started each day crying in shower to God for me to make it a great day! Guess what, it worked :) I will pray for that Mom who I wish I could reach out to in an instant! I wish I knew where she lived.

  • http://momentsandinvitations.com/ Dana Butler

    I will gladly take prayer, Sarah Mae! Almost-3-year-old sweet, STRONG boy and just adopted precious baby girl. With bad reflux. Oy. Healing for her, sleep and coping skills for me… that I’ll look to Jesus as my source and do more than just survive this crazy-intense newborn/toddler season. :) Thanks a heap!!

    Praying right now for some of you other ladies who’ve commented too. God doesn’t call us to motherhood without fully intending to meet us smack dab in the midst of the crazy.

  • http://myhometableau.com/ Johanna Hanson

    I have 3 (5, 3, 2) and one on the way (December). My second got seriously ill in February (story on my blog, but it’s been a long year). We move overseas to Scotland one week from today. Pretty much exhausted and just hanging on right now ;-) Thankful for grace to get through each day!

  • Nicole

    Me please. Trying to hard to be a good mom to our boys but not
    feeling I am succeeding at all. Glad God will fill in my failures but
    wish I could/know/do better. My oldest is struggling with anger and
    frustration with things. My middle is angry and throws tantrums all the
    time. My youngest is teething and cranky. My hubby is struggling with
    things. And I am just overwhelmed.

    Thank you for your
    book. I’ve borrowed it from the library and read it. I hope to be able
    to buy it someday to have the encouragement handy.

  • Melanie

    Thank you so much for your post! Please pray for me. I’m home with my one year old little boy and I am so incredibly lonely. Our baby was a surprise, and most of our friends don’t have kids yet. I cry a lot, I think I’m depressed, and I feel like the worst version of myself most days. I am just feeling so unfulfilled. I’m currently reading your book- thank you so much- it’s making a difference. And thank you so much for your prayers!

    • Beth Masog

      I have been there. I was a stay at home mom of a 3 year old and a 2 year old and I felt lost and alone like there was nothing else for me. Then I found a church and God said there was more to life then just the miserable existence I thought I was living. I found friends in a community where I had none and I found grace and forgiveness for all the dumb things I had done in my past. God has so much more for us them we realize! I’ll say a pray for you :)

  • Rebecca

    I read “Desperate” several months ago while isolated with 2 young boys, no church, no car, in French-speaking Montreal for nearly 2 years for my husband’s job, and LOVED it. Recently, after a move to a state in the U.S. that we love and things were going well, I thought “Oh, I guess I’m out of that season!” Ha! My 5-year-old’s anger recently reared its head more regularly and my 3-year-old is following big brother’s lead, and I’m not handling it well at all. Despite being so thankful for our blessings, I feel exhausted and I find it hard to turn my boys over to Him, also often fearing my weakness is somehow going to “ruin” them (not to be over-dramatic). Thank you for your prayers and encouragement on here, and for “keeping it real”…staying “in touch” with what so many women are going through.

  • Andrea

    I am a home schooling mom of 4 kiddos (12, 11, 2.5, 8mo.). I, too, could use a prayer or two. My older two are beautiful girls who are complete opposites and struggle to get along. My little boys are wild and full of joy…but they do not sleep. My 2.5 year old is still up several nights a week. And you would think by my 4th I would have figured out how to get a baby to sleep through the night but my littlest guy is proving to be the worst sleeper yet. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have barely had 2 consecutive hours of sleep in 8 months, and average about 5 hours of (interrupted) sleep per night. School is a tremendous challenge lately and the pressure is building. I know this is a “season” and I hate feeling like I want to rush through these precious years, but I can’t help but dream of the day when everyone sleeps as they should and I regain some control over our days. I am utterly exhausted and don’t have any help other than my sweet husband who does what he can. But, then again, even if I did have someone offer to help, I probably wouldn’t take it because I am a hopeless perfectionist and would be mortified at the thought of anyone having to help me. ;)

    Please pray for me to navigate this crazy time with patience, kindness and grace and a healthy dose of supernatural strength and rest. :)

    Thank you!

    Andrea

  • Lori K

    Thank you. please pray for me for guidance on how to parent my little guys need to be physical when upset for anything, or excited for any reason. He squeezes, scratches, kicks, hits and its so hard. He is losing friends, its hurting my relationships and I have tried so much. He is better than he was, he used to bite multiple times a day. He has sensory issues which is a cause of it. I need guidance!

  • Jennifer

    I’m involved in ministry and know what it is to bear burdens. I can only imagine the weight of what you feel as so many cry out for help and come to you. So as you pray for so many precious ones, i will be praying for you. That you will find rest, wisdom, truth, and hope in the midst of bearing the burdens for so many. God bless you today!

    Galatians 6:2 Bear one anothers burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

  • Ardiss

    My eldest is starting Kindergarten in 2 days (I have 3; boy 5, boy 3, girl 7 months) I was raised in a homeschooling family and my husband and I have chosen to take the public school route, I am so unfamiliar with public school it terrifies me. My son is excited and very prepared to start but I am a mess. I had a bout of depression 3 months ago like i had never experienced before and I have worked very hard to heal and get the support I needed to overcome it and have done well but now “losing” my little buddy is bringing back some of those symptoms (lack of motivation, irritability)
    Desperate was put in my hands about 2 weeks before my depression had hit and I have taken it to heart. A new friend and I are planning a Mom’s group in our little town since there is none available. She is also a “Desperate” reader and has a son starting Gr 1 and hoping to home school. Please pray for us as we navigate this new season in our lives and our kids lives.

  • Jen

    I’m a mama of 5, we run our own business, and homeschool. I often feel stressed and overwhelmed by all the things that need doing. It feels like there will never be enough time to do what needs to be done, let alone the things I want to do. I feel like I am failing…

  • Dena

    I’m an older mom with 8 kids, ranging in age from 2 to 20. I have one son with diagnosed autism, down syndrome, and other medical issues. I’m convinced that at least 5 of my others fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. I’m always tired, have no friends, and no help other than what my husband can offer after his 12-18 hour work days. He’s tired, too. I don’t want pity from people, but get it often.They mean well, but I’d rather have their understanding and help. I’ve tried talking with the other ladies at church, but they can’t relate to me and I can’t relate to them. I’ve given up ever having a friend who understands.

  • Dawn

    I’m asking for prayer for my two year old. He has a mass in his bladder and we were admitted to pediatric oncology yesterday. The biopsy is today. I feel so helpless and also miss my other two children terribly. Please pray for the best outcome possible.

    • Cassie

      Praying comfort and encouragement for you, your son, and the rest of your family, Dawn!

  • Cassie

    Please pray for me as well! My husband and I teach and minister here in a foreign country with very few dependable friends while caring for our rambunctious, running, and mischievous 14-month-old! We’ve been here for 2 years but still get tripped up from time to time living in a completely different culture…such as living without a dish washer, clothes dryer, or air conditioner in 90+ temperatures. Praying for all of us to see God’s purposes in each situation as we deal with our challenges. Thank you so much for posting!

    • Casey

      Praying for you today…and understanding the heat and culture issues!

  • Michelle

    This entry brought tears to my eyes. I know your pain and hardship. I know it all too well. A few years ago, this same depression and despair swallowed me alive. It has been a long and hard road. I love my children as much as any mom, but yet those hard days of feeling inadequate just got harder and harder. By the grace of God, I have pulled myself out of the dark pit and put a fence around it. With the help of a counselor, I now have the tools to know when to make critical changes in my home/life so I can avoid going back. I will keep each and every one of you beautiful mothers in my prayers. Please keep me in yours. Thank you and God Bless.

  • Linda

    For Linda for strength in my mom walk while recovering from Cemo. Need God’s supernatural, super powers to keep up with my little ones! :o) Thank you Sarah your ministry to us mama’s is such a blessing!!!

  • Kristen

    This message brought tears to my eyes. I often times feel I am that mom. And I refer to my girls as “spirited” They are 7 and 9. THANK YOU for your post and prayers. Sometimes I feel that I am so selfish when there are times (many) that I just don’t feel like being a mom – I want my pre-mom life back. But I pray to God for forgiveness and strength for he has given me a gift and I have not fully appreciated it.

  • Lindsey Brackett

    We’ve registered 40 moms so far for our mops group starting next week and our book study is Desperate. Will you pray for us? Habersham MOPS. I’ve never had so many new moms come at once. Amazing how this world can make you feel so alone!

  • Casey

    Can you pray for us? #6 on the way (oldest is 7). We’re missionaries in Cambodia and just lost significant funds. Our family, especially me struggling to hold it together, is really draining my very selfless husband…Tough, but who knows what the Lord will do through all this? =) Thank you for praying. Can you see how much it means to so many?

  • Lorena

    I LOVE that version of Psalm 40. I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting, and I’m so ready to be taught to sing. Thanks so much for offering to pray – my request is for freedom from bitterness. And, well, just freedom. Thank you!!

    • Lorena

      (Strasburg PA)

  • Sarah

    How about just one good friend who isn’t afraid to walk through my front door and catch me in my mess and help me love my kids. I’ve been living in a pit for weeks now, just doing whatever I can to escape. With a new season of homeschooling about to start the pressure is on to get everything together so we can jump in with both feet.

  • Jenni

    I have two children. A 3 year old and a 4 month old. My 4 month old was born with Spina Bifida and hydrocephalus. We didn’t know anything was wrong until I was in labor. These last 4 months have been the most difficult of my life. I am slowly finding people to support us but there are days that are dark and alone. I’m exhausted. Please pray we adjust well and can glorify the Lord no matter what.

  • Joy

    I am so right there with that woman! My husband works 12 hour days, so I get how it can feel lonely at times! Just taking it prayerfully one day at a time. With God’s Grace we can all make it through this time.

  • Susan Somers

    New house, new school, new town. Husband with a longer commute. I feel like my 8 year old and I are both starting over on the “friend front.” The 3 year old seems to be on track to “outstubborn” his twos… and husband called this morning to say he may have thrown his back out. Something we can ill afford at the moment… the last time it happened sent him out of work for a month. Love to have him around more, but certainly not like this!!! I feel myself going into panic mode…

  • http://a1corinthianslove.blogspot.com/ Kimberly Thompson

    Parenting two teens alone right at the moment. And they are fabulous children, but this mama is tired and praying that God will send one to share this journey with.

  • Patti K

    Overwhelmed is an understatement. Three teenagers, a husband who hates his job and having to work fulltime just to try, and not always manager, to make ends meet. Thank you for your prayers, they are very, very much appreciated. I will pray for you and all other mothers, it truly is a tough job but we must try to remember that God only gives us what we can handle. Trouble is God has a much higher opinion of my abilities than I do.

    • Kathryn G

      I love your last sentence Patti. Right now I am terrified that God wants to give me more to show His strength and grace is sufficient!

      • Patti K

        Thanks Kathryn, we all have that terrified feeling from time to time. At least we know we aren’t alone.

  • Nancy

    Patience and perseverance please! I need them both so much.

  • Becky Brickman

    Is there anyway we can share our locations to try to get connected in person? I know what it is like to be disconnected, but I now have a great group of friends locally. If there are any other moms in my area (Western NC) I would be happy to connect with them, too! Having other moms who are walking along side you (or a little ahead or behind) makes motherhood so much more rewarding. Thanks to Sarah Mae for your encouragement and prayers! We all need it! My four year old is getting so big, and I still grieve the 2 pregnancies I lost this past year. My name is Becky. I crave connection!

    • Lorena

      I echo Becky! I was just reading over the comments thinking “I wonder if any of these moms live near me….?” I’ll go back to my comment and add my location (Strasburg PA)

    • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

      Great idea! Let me see what I can put together!

      • ANGALA HEUERMANN

        Just seeing these comments. Great idea is right Becky!!!
        Sarah, checking to see if anything has been put together? Or if there is anything I can do to help?

  • Debbie

    I have a just turned 3 year old, a 16 month old, and a 3 month old. They’re wonderful (yes…stubborn). And I wouldn’t trade it all for the world…but most days, I feel like I’m doing less to enrich their little minds, and more to just try to get through the day. I want to be a good mom to them, and teach them, and enjoy this time, but I find so often, I’m just trying to make it through the day, and until they’re older and slightly easier (at least…I keep telling myself it will be easier in a few years)

  • Vanessa Davies

    Hi Sarah Mae, I’ll be praying with you. I’ve been overwhelmed before, and I’m sure I will be again, but right now I have a little space, and if one or two people need to connect with someone (to kinda share your load), I’d love to help.

  • Jos @ Joyful{in}Chaos

    I am oh-so ready to be past this “desperate” phase. Lonliness doesn’t begin to explain the flood of emotions that go through me on a daily basis with a strong-willed 7 year old (who hurts with his tongue) and a wild and crazy 2 year old. Thankful I’m not the only one, though…

  • http://www.smalltownsimplicity.blogspot.com/ lydiajw

    One for me? We have six kids and are set to begin our homeschool next week. This last baby has been a colicky one and that triggered some baby blues and…well, yes. I am a bit overwhelmed.

  • Jean

    Thank you for you post! I need prayer for decisions I have made that affected my entire family. God knows the situation, I just pray it is resolved soon and hearts can be healed.

  • Heather

    I feel like the woman who wrote the letter. Only I don’t have a husband to help, I have a special needs child and a spirited daughter, and I home school them both. I don’t have enough money to make ends meet. I don’t have a home of my own – I stay, with my children and an adult family member, in a one bedroom condo. Our belongings, which aren’t very much, are in storage. Not only do I have no friends, but neither do my children. We live in a city environment, yet feel so isolated. I really appreciate your offer of prayers.

  • sea

    In a season where God has been majorly pruning friends. My dearest, closest friend who knows all my “junk” and loves me anyway, is moving far away soon. I pray for God to bring a new, healthy friend or two into my life soon- please- and to feel more connected to women inbour church- and to of course be a better mom and wife. thanks!

    • Mel

      Praying for you. My two closest friends moved away earlier this summer. I can relate so much to needing a new friend and connections.

  • JD

    Please pray for me! I’m currently separated from my husband (he left the state, no physical or financial support), working and trying to go to school at night while parenting my 6 year old daughter. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed at all the demands on my time. It’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

  • michellelove

    I have a three year old (precious) special needs daughter, a 1 1/2 year old girl, and a baby boy due in 1 1/2 weeks. I love my life most days but the past few weeks (it could have something to do with being huge), I’ve just been exhausted, weepy and overwhelmed with EVERYTHING. I need more of Jesus, but just feel like when I get a few moments I fall asleep.

  • http://madesacred.com/ Elizabeth Giger

    Thank you for this prayer. I just sent my older two to kindergarten and preschool, the middle one cries and screams Every Single Bedtime because we weaned her from her pacifier (at 3!), the older one is terrified of being left on the bus, the littlest one is teething so not sleeping well, I feel as though I am falling farther and farther behind on house and yard chores, and I bet all of the above can tell you the current state of my marriage! Thank you.

  • Barbi Carr

    Thankful to be coming out of a place of desperation and into a place of full dependence and empowerment in the Holy Spirit, but am struggling to be me present with my girls and not consumed by the never finished house work, trying to figure out homeschool plans, and the ever alluring and fruitless Facebook. Would love prayers for ruling over my domain of time and finding victory over the allure of Facebook and other fruitless time suckers. ;-) Thanks!

  • Allison Stephens

    Some days I look at my kids and wonder if I have already ruined them because they don’t mind, argue, whine and complain. I think I have been too easy, I have been too hard…and then I remember I don’t mind, argue, whine and complain. Help me to love them where they are and guide them in love and not condemnation.

  • faigie

    I know how hard parenting is. I have 6 and some were very difficult. Its really important to get counselling if you can’t do it yourself. You need someone to help you navigate through this most difficult of jobs.A good therapist can really help teach you how to cope. And read, read, read. Robert Mackenzies book Setting limits with difficult children is excellent as well as 1,2,3 magic and Why Good Parents have Bad Children.
    Good books can be a real lifeline.

  • Ambre

    Wow! I’ve joined you, Sarah Mae, in praying for some of these moms by name. Like you said, I realize I have gotten comfortable…..my kids are 8 now, I have joy in my mothering, I see how the Lord is working in our lives, growing me and my kids closer to each other (not that I still don’t have those days here and there!), I appreciate my husband (yes, he’s a sinner, just like me, but I’ve learned to appreciate him and be thankful for him!), and He has blessed me with dear friends. There is finally light……I’m no longer desperate. But reading all these comments makes me aware of the GREAT need all around me, of other moms who are still in that place. This has encouraged me to look into starting a “Desperate” study group at our church. Please pray for me in that.
    I’m in Southern California (LA area).

  • Nicole

    Me, please. I have four kids, ages 6 years to 5 months, and the oldest has various special needs that I’m going to really need to stay on top of this (public) school year. I have been such a tired, grouchy, mean mom the past week or so, and I’m finally realizing that I need a friend or mentor or something (my best friends and my mom all work, and I am at home). My husband is wonderful, but I have to get over my social anxiety and somehow find some more friends.

    Thank you so much for this. Reading through the comments really tugged at my heart; I am saying prayers for all of us.

  • Christina

    Drowning! Today is hubby’s and my 9th anniversary and I’m struggling even enjoying it because the stress of life is crushing me. I’m desperately trying to trust God w our finances… we can’t even make it pay check to pay check right now due to one thing falling apart after another. Our four little ones 6, 4, 3 yrs old and 4 months (all girls) are demanding my every second! I can’t get away to even run an errand without hubby calling and ‘needing’ me to hurry up cause of this or that! He doesn’t see how badly I NEED to breathe! Some days I feel like everything is fine then bam I get a reality check! I’m beginning to feel like a failure to my kiddos and hubby. ….Praying for all the other mommas out there, too!

  • Sarah

    That Mom’s letter and your response had me in tears. I know exactly how she feels, and it meant a lot what you said in response.
    Please say one for me to. I’m a mom to 7 wonderful, full of life and STRONGWILLED kids. I need prayers for both my husband and I to have a more patience with them and to be more kindhearted, exsp while we learn how to parent teenangers!
    My husband and I feel like we are at a crossroads right now in life, and neither one of us are sure which way to go(or stay), being stuck in this in-between place is wearing us both down.
    Could I also ask for prayer for my oldest? She is turning into a typical teenager, and I’m not sure how to lead her. She hates(yes its a strong word) having siblings. It just breaks my heart that she dislikes them so much.
    Thank you taking on this task to pray for all of us!! I will pray for the other Moms here to.

  • TristineFleming

    My name is Tristine Fleming, and I’ll tell you what, my cry is the same as that woman who wrote you. I feel exactly the same way!!

  • http://lmbartelt.wordpress.com/ Lisa Bartelt

    Just a few months ago, I was that mom, too. There have been moments in motherhood where I’ve thought: Why did I think I wanted this? And why would I do it again? Days where I thought I wouldn’t make it, and others spoke those words. “Hang on. It gets better.” Really, it does. I almost didn’t believe it, but I feel like I’m okay now. Not every day. But I have one in school and one at home and motherhood is such a journey, but it’s not all bliss. So, if that mom is reading, please, please, please, know that you are not the only who has been there or felt like that. And speaking as someone who thought getting to the other side of whatever mountain you’re facing was a feat for everyone else, let me say, You can do this.

  • Klaire Evonne

    Wow – sarah Mae all I can say is thank you – I am that desperate mom right now – feeling like I am not doing a good job at anything and my poor little girls get my anger instead of the deep love I have for them. My name is Krista and I so appreciate your prayers and your heart!

    • Julie

      You sound like me….you are not alone. Praying for you.

  • rjb

    Overwhelmed by life and emotions, not just my little one :) Prayers much appreciated!

  • Kathryn G

    I am a tired mom about to start homeschooling my 5 year old, exhausted from my 1 1/2 year’s olds all night teething pain and from my heart issues, struggling to be an introverted mom to 2 very extroverted kids who constantly want to talk! I also have struggled to find support and friendships in this stage, and have a husband who works long hours. Thank you for praying!

  • Yerrot

    I’m 8 weeks pregnant with my second unplanned child and still feeling overwhelmed by my first child.

  • sarah

    I am overwhelmed too–I have a 5,4,2, and 1 year old and just found out I am expecting again, I am excited to have another baby— but I just want to be a good mom right now even when I am sick and so tired. I can’t seem to hold it all together.
    Thank you!

  • Christy

    I am that Mommy. I have 4 children (6 years old and younger) and I am pregnant–that will be 5 children in less than 7 years. I am tired, but the JOY of the Lord MUST be my strength. I covet the prayers of the saints, but I also want to be a saint—a fellow Mommy (who really understands!) who is praying for the other Mommies that just want to give up. I will be praying that our God gives special peace and comfort to those truly “deperate.” Please know–you are not alone. And I agree, you are a pretty big deal!

  • holly

    would love some prayer for really really really bad morning sickness – 7 weeks pregnant. on meds but not helping much. son has coxsackie and i also have some sort of viral infection. have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. starting to lead a Desperate small group with my mentor next week and so excited! actually did what the book talked about and asked for help from my friends and they are bringing us meals. it’s the love of jesus manifest for this stupidly self sufficient mama. guess if i’m going to co-lead the group, gotta do what it says :)

  • Jamie

    Please pray for joy patience and energy. Surprise number 6 , after a surprise number 5 only 6 months ago. At 40 I feel to old for this.

  • Elizabeth

    Ashley, both of my blessings were surprises. 13yrs and 9 doctors said it wouldn’t ever happen. God had other plans when He was ready. My little loves are 2 and 1 and only 11months apart. Both also have SPD!!! I know what overwhelmed, scared, alone feels like!!!! Both my preg were high risk. Nothing normal!!! You can do this!!! God will see you through.

  • Melanie

    Pray for me please! My husband just started a new job (a prayed over and wonderful blessing!), my oldest daughter just started kindergarten, and my youngest starts preschool next week. I am hanging on, hanging on, hanging on, and looking forward to a new stage in all our lives. But oh, the changes. And the house, and the kids, and their new stresses, and the new schedules. Ack!

  • Lisa F.

    Just feeling very overwhelmed with work (teach K in a public school), my 3 high-energy children (8, 6, and 2), and my husband who’s a police officer. When I do actually have time to sit, my mind still races and I try to focus on God, but I know I’m still trying to do it on my own (which is why I’m still struggling and only barely feeling like I’ve survived a day). I don’t want to feel like I’m just barely surviving my days… I want to feel the joy again of being a wife and a mom and even of teaching young lives! I want to the joy of Christ being the center of my life!!!

  • Mel

    I needed this post. I’m a mom to a 7 year old. I would love to be mom to more, but getting there by either pregnancy or adoption seems impossible. It is so painful to keep coming across people with 4, 5, 6 kids who act like my title as “mom” is meaningless because I “only” have one. I struggle with ongoing marriage issues, and depression. I feel very alone, and need a friend to talk to about more than small talk.

    • Ambre

      Hi Mel, I was just curious why you feel like pregnancy or adoption is impossible? Wondered if you wanted to elaborate or not, if not that is OK too! I will pray for you. Don’t feel like you need to have another one just because of how other people view you, but if you are really wanting more kids because of your own desire, I have adopted and there are actually options out there that people aren’t always aware of. I’d be happy to talk about them with you. But first, I will pray that the Lord gets you back to a place of peace, and free from depression. I dislike small talk too and would be happy to be an email friend with you, if you’d like.

  • heidimhunter

    Hmm…husband was a pastor so….no real friends. Moved again after finally starting to settle in with first baby and started to make a friend. Now we live in a major city with a now 3 y/o & 1 y/o. W also live with my in-laws trying to start over after last move to here (house belonged to husband’s family & they wanted to sell. We had no where to go & few options so we moved…again). Now after being home with my kids for a year and a half I have to go back to work & I’m heart broken & scared for my kids. I know God loves them more than I ever could but my heart doesn’t know that. The only way we can afford to get back on our own is for me to work :( We don’t have credit cards, mortgage nothing like that. We just don’t have enough income. I woke up this morning in a panic because I have a job interview….the one thing I’ve been stressed about getting is now the source. I have no baby sitter because I don’t know anyone and then if I get the job that’s another whole stress. It’s hard to read about people not wanting or liking being home with kids because I would love nothing more. The irony is, I never saw myself even wanting to ever be home with kids…mine or anyone elses.

  • Chauncey Cianci

    Sadly, I feel the same way. I love my kids dearly, but mothering is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I’ve tried to join playgroups, bible study groups, mom’s groups at church, and I’m still longing for one good friend that cares. Dinners at home with three kids (11, 5, 1) are a disaster. Some days I’m yelling at the kids, at the end of my rope. Desperate. Praying for years and years and years to find my place of community and just survive when family isn’t near. I’d appreciate your prayers too.

    Thanks friend!

  • Jennifer

    My kids are 5, 2 and 2 months. I also watch a 21 month old and have adrenal fatigue. I’ve really been struggling physically since I got pregnant. I get very little sleep as my kids are on a different schedule than the one I watch so I’m up late, up early and up several times in the night. I find my capacity for handling childish noises and behaviors is greatly diminished. Oh, did I mention I also started homeschooling this year? I love homeschooling but with three kids 2 and under (and in diapers) it takes us all day to just do the basics.

  • rebecca

    I can totally relate to the letter you received, I AM that mom, I am originally from MS and now live in MA. That is so far away! I have two boys and my Husband works alot as well. I am downhome kinda person and southern values and way of life! I live in an affluent community!! I don’t feel like I fit in AT ALLL!!! I have always been an outgoing fun person, But after living here for 8 years and not really having that supportive friend/ sister! That is hard!! I do have a wonderful church family however they all live down south of me!! and I don’t always get to see anyone during the week!!SO please pray for me as well!!! My name is Becki!

  • Amber Olafsson

    Hi I am Amber, I am starting your study next week with a few moms who feel Desparate. I have 2 “wild ones”, 5 & 3. I love them to pieces but I cry most days, and though I have friends, I don’t have a close mentor or have a lot of time to connect with other women without the kids & be refreshed. God is faithful, and I am holding on. Thanks or praying for me and a few of my friends, that God will use this study to lighten the load & give us hope.

  • Aimee

    Please pray for me. My kids are 12, 8 & 6 and the younger two (boys) are wild. We just started our second year of homeschooling and I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like its all trial and error and I’m only finding the errors! My husband works, goes to school and is an unbeliever, so he’s not here much and we’re not on the same page on a lot of things so its a struggle. I just feel very overwhelmed a lot of the time. Thanks so much for doing this.

  • Kara

    I need prayer as well. I have 3. The baby abruptly stopped sleeping through the night and keeps waking up shrieking. My 4 year old is having nightmares, and my almost 3 year old was potty trained but it now wetting the bed. I am so tired…and tend to not be a nice Mama when I am tired.

  • Hannah

    I’m a mother of 2 boys, 6 and 4 yrs old. I’m stay home mom and I need help, I need someone to talk to. I don’t have my family near me. My parents are out of country. And I don’t want to give them problem. My husband and I have more argument than caring, I felt bad for my self, I been verbally abused. But I still love him. I want to hold my relationship with him for my kids. I think I am to much to keep separated my self to other people and I don’t have friends to talk about the kids and being a mother. Please help me.

  • Amy Fiedler
  • Marian

    While I feel like I’m handling things alright for the present, I know I could use the prayers. We have two wonderful preschool boys, and I’m unexpectedly pregnant with twins. My husband leaves this weekend for a six month deployment. He will miss the birth of our twins (among many other milestones). I love our kids and my husband, and I know that in God’s grace He has given us an incredible opportunity to be light, but there are hard days when everything seems exhausting and impossible. Please, if you could, ask that He would help me remember that I am parenting and wife-ing (haha) and carrying (and then birthing) these twins only in His strength and for His joy.
    I read your book several months ago, and what an encouragement it was to me. Thank you.
    inkblotcoffee.blogspot.com

  • Courtney

    Praying for the one who wrote you that letter… that she will find a Godly friend, or even better, a Titus 2 friend and mentor, to lean on during this difficult season.

  • M

    Hello. I am asking this blog for prayer. I am a head strong, get-er done, homeschooling mom of 5 ages-11,9,7,5, almost 3…with number 6 due in November. I am not the neatest or most organized mom on the block, but I love my husband, I love my children, and I strive to be the helpmeet God created me to be (although, this has taken some serious rewiring over the years!). I recently celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary. My husband recently confessed an internet p-ography addiction that has rocked my world. Why, because he is the most careful, most godly, best daddy I have ever known. And if this sin can hit him, then it can hit any man from the most to the least. I know in my spirit, that we will get through this, and God can use it for his glory…but the flesh is powerful competitor for my thoughts and my emotions.
    Thank you in advance for the prayers.

  • Patty

    I know I’m a little late to comment, but please say a prayer for me. Your book came at just the right time and has been just a breath of fresh air. My 2 yr old was recently diagnosed with autism and there are different challenges each day. I get so easily frustrated, that I’m just praying God will show me how to love him (my son) best.

  • Beth

    Totally feeling like a failure right now. Can’t seem to do anything but scream and fuss with my 9 year old daughter, no matter how I resolve to keep calm in the face of her seemingly willful disobedience & disrespect.

  • Laurie F

    Please pray that God guides me and directs me to be the mom that my son needs. That he gives me the strength, patience, knowledge and courage that I need to get through each day. My son struggles during the days, while his father is at work! I try everything I can but all he does is whine and I can’t figure out what he wants or what will make him happy! I try everything I can think of! If he isn’t whining he is testing his limits, constantly doing things he knows he shouldn’t. Every meal is a full on battle! I feel like I’m the bad guy all day long. But when his daddy comes home from work he’s a completely different child. He lights up! He’s happy, he listens and he laughs in this carefree, infectious way that I never come close to hearing when it’s just the 2 of us. When his daddy comes home, I cease to exist. What am I doing so wrong? How can I do it better? How can I set boundaries and shape him in to the person God designed him to be while still being the mommy that my son desires? I have no help, no where to go, no one to talk to. We are facing some scary decisions ahead and I need God’s direction so very much right now. Please pray that I don’t miss His message because I’m too caught up in what I think is right for our family. Pray that I don’t lose faith but rather carry out His plan for me! Thanks

  • Jessica

    Her words are my words. Which is the beauty of the Lord. I am not alone. She is not alone. He is with us.
    I began the struggle with depression just after my second was born 18 months ago. It was something I never thought I would deal with, but the Lord chose to teach me through the long days. It’s creeping back in. It’s hard. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement Sarah Mae!

  • SQ

    I am ordering the discipleship course today. Please pray for me as I embark in an all out fight to get my sweet girl back. I know she is in there, under the surface of the defiance and willfulness she presents. My Meg will come back to me, in Jesus’ name.

  • Danelle

    Pray for me. I have a beautiful, funny, spirited, willful almost 18 month old with a man who doesn’t work yet spends most of the day doing his own thing. No we are not married at this point and i do not know if we will be, for various reasons. Yes I have chosen to stay with him to ensure he gets some quality time with her anyways. He used to abuse drugs and he used to abuse me, by the grace of God through much prayer both have stopped. But he still just does not seem to get it in the fathering or providing departments. So I have committed this all to God and I just live each day doing the best I can for and with my darling little girl, and I ask you to pray for us all.