Why I Don’t Write About Marriage

IMG_0842 Two saint-sinners learning how to love

You may have noticed that I write very little about marriage.

I do this, or rather, don’t do it, because I feel very inadequate in that arena. I am not a stellar wife, I submit awfully poorly, and I’m not real great in the intimacy department. Basically, I’m not winning any wife-of-the-year awards.

But, but, but.

The reality is that I also don’t write about marriage because I know if I did I would be accountable. I would have to try.

Sometimes it’s easier to push aside the thing you aren’t good at and focus on something else. With regard to many areas in life I would agree; focus on your strengths not your weaknesses. But we’re talking about marriage, and that is a holy thing and one we can’t sluff it off because of our weaknesses or because it’s hard. We all have a weakness in marriage because marriage puts two sinners together and says, “Let man not separate.” Basically, you’re stuck together. But that’s not a very helpful or enjoyable thought, is it? I agree. Therefore, we must work at marriage, which also means working towards being less selfish (at least in my case). It also means recognizing that I can’t actually work on myself because that’s the domain of the Holy Spirit; He molds, I make myself available for the molding. And there it is: I make myself available. I submit to the work. I agree with God that marriage is holy and worthy of nurturing.

Oh man. I’m going to start writing about marriage now, aren’t I?

Well yes. Because that worthy thing is not going to be sluffed off anymore. I’m available for change. I’m open to the work. I’m even making my husband my word. I’m ready and willing to not just get through my marriage, but to enjoy it. Which I mostly already do. But I’d like some wife-of-the-year awards. You know, from my husband at least. ;)

So, is there anything you’re afraid to write about/work on/be open to?

Love, Sarah Mae

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  • Laila

    There are a few aspects of my personal life that I’m very reluctant to write about. Particularly about being a single parent. Whenever I have written about it, it’s been very general. I’ve wanted to share the real deal, but am not sure I want to be that open/vulnerable. I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly” so maybe she’ll inspire me to think differently about that.

  • http://www.jessiquawittman.com/ Jessiqua Wittman

    You go, girl! I’ll be praying for you to have wisdom and grace and all that good stuff.

  • http://joyfulcontentment.wordpress.com/ Elizabeth Sadosky

    I could write about marriage until I’m blue in the face, because its my passion for ministry, but I struggle with writing about being a mom or things such as keeping a home. I bet you can guess what the areas in my life are that need some growth and change ;)

  • http://www.philstevensfilm.com/ Phil Stevens

    Wow! I applaud your honesty! That is the very thing that keeps me on my toes in my marriage. Satan tries to get me to believe lies about my wife or treat her poorly, when that happens – The Spirit speaks up, taps me on the shoulder and says, “You have a marriage ministry Phil, you shouldn’t be doing that.” It’s been two years since we’ve launched the ministry, after 3 years of hosting marriage small groups from our home. This has been one of the best things (following letting God lead) for my marriage – creating, learning, leading & helping others in their marriage journey has kept me sharp and accountable for my marriage.

    Thanks for sharing!

    http://www.youtube.com/user/pressurepointstv
    http://www.marriagepressurepoints.org

    • Beth Williams

      Wow! What a powerful video. Thanks for sharing! Sometimes people need to tell each other what they need from their spouse!

      • http://www.philstevensfilm.com/ Phil Stevens

        Thanks for watching Beth! Enjoy the rest of the episodes. They are free to watch.

  • elizabeth

    Looking forward to your thoughts! Marriage certainly isn’t easy, but it is one of the best ways for us to work towards our sanctification.

  • leah

    Marriage is so hard- I’ve been married about 8 years, and this year has been the hardest! I think the world needs godly but messed up sinners writing about marriage so that many are encouraged that it’s often supposed to be hard, and that it’s worth fighting for. Thank for your honesty!

  • LindsyGriffis

    I feel like most every time I read something from you I could have written it myself. Grateful for your honesty, because it brings hope for others (me)! My husband is my word this year too. :-)

  • Sarah-Jane

    I’m actually afraid of writing. And I think I just realised that it might be because once they’re on paper, you can’t take them back. And i wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.

  • Diane Belz

    I heard this from the priest when my niece was married. “You are joined in marriage to help one another get to heaven.” He did not explain that statement so I came to my own conclusions 1) We are encouragers to those we love to reach the final goal – heaven. 2) That to put up with another person every day for almost 39 years, is a test of all my spiritual gifts. 3) Someone would have to be a saint to live with me for all these years, so what can I learn from him. But I’ve learned some techniques and tips along the way. The most important tip I have shared to the younger women in my life – your marriage is worth fighting for!

  • Dee Dee

    My financial debt. And to tackle this fear, you have made that little voice speak a little louder…writing a year long series about it. Thanks, Sarah.

  • Beth Williams

    Sara,
    Thank you for you open, honest writing. You speak truth straight from the heart. Marriage is work, hard work. If two people are committed to going the long haul, then they need to discuss their desires, wants and needs with each other.
    God Bless you for your work!

  • Andrea

    Most of the time I feel the same way, inadequate as a wife. And there are moments where I really am an awful wife. I am so grateful for a husband who , in spite of my massive flaws, reminds me almost daily that I am the best thing to ever happen to him,that I am a great wife, a good mother and he would be lost without me. Sometimes I think he says this because he doesn’t want to do his own laundry.
    I think even though we wives feel “less than” a lot, our husband treasure us more than they may be able to say.

  • Stephanie @ Housewife Mama

    Like you I am lacking in my intimacy skills. With submitting, well, comme ci, comme ca. Husband aside, I do plan on writing more meaningful content on my blog this year though. For almost 2 years I have been blogging mostly about sponsored product reviews and giveaways. Don’t get me wrong, this has been great and I love trying out so many products and working with great (mostly small) businesses. I will continue to do this, but as my platform grows, I know I need to incorporate my faith into posts as well. This will be stretching for me but I am So Ready For It! Clear eyes…

  • Mary

    This is great! I blog about things that I need to be held accountable for too – it’s hard! So good for you for encouraging yourself and bringing other wives right along with you!

  • http://www.mywordshisglory.com/ Jesenia @My Words, His Glory

    This was an area I struggled with. I had to surrender this to the Lord and make a real conscious effort to be a better wife. How could I speak so kindly to others, but lash out at my husband who loved me unconditionally? God had to reveal to me my ugly side so that I could see the damage I was causing. Marriage takes work and it’s something I need to continually nurture. My tongue was my downfall, but now I’ve learned to use it to speak lovingly and respectfully to my husband as the Word of God teaches. Blessings to you and Jesse. Praying for you both in your journey.

  • http://www.mywordshisglory.com/ Jesenia @My Words, His Glory

    This was an area I struggled with. I had to surrender this to the Lord and make a real conscious effort to be a better wife. How could I speak so kindly to others, but lash out at my husband who loved me unconditionally? God had to reveal to me my ugly side so that I could see the damage I was causing. Marriage takes work and it’s something I need to continually nurture. My tongue was my downfall, but now I’ve learned to use it to speak lovingly and respectfully to my husband as the Word of God teaches. Blessings to you and Jesse. Praying for you both in your new journey.

  • Katy

    Yes, definitely – this one! I was drawn into your post immediately, because I thought, “I bet she and I have the same reason…” Sure enough! It’s encouraging to know I’m not the only one struggling with it. I am resolved this year to make my husband a priority, so I’m glad to see the Lord already bringing encouragement in a variety of forms!