A Steady Soul - Sarah Mae
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A Steady Soul

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Two days ago I lost it.

I mean I was an emotional wreck; crazy town stuff. I was impatient with my kids, everything irritated me, I talked unkindly, and then I just cried. And cried.

And my kids were all, “What is wrong with you?”

And then I felt guilty for crying in front of them. Also, pretty sure they think I’m a little unhinged because I went from emotional wreck crying to praising God crying when we put on our new Francesca Battistelli album. There was just a whole mixed bag of crying going on, interspersed with, “I’m going to be okay” and “I’m so sorry you guys for being so grumpy today” and, “This song just so speaks to my soul right now.”

Crazy town.

After the kids were tucked into bed and apologies were given, again, I went to my room where my next unsuspecting victim was going over work stuff for the next day.

My poor, dear husband. Let’s just say all my praising God and apologies went out the window. Then, once he fell asleep, I cried some more. I prayed. I knew what was going on. I was just so tired.

And done.

I have been working towards shutting down most outside work in my life so I can focus on where God has been gently guiding me towards, my home and local community, but it takes time. And after the book launch I was completely spent. Book launches now days are crazy town in and of themselves. And then the course launch, which I am so excited about (and which was filmed a couple months before the book launch), and all the work and vulnerability and oh yea preparing to homeschool and I just fell apart. I had too. As Sally always says to me, “What goes up must come down.” I was bound to have a breakdown.

So there I am, crying in the dark, and I get a message from my angel friend Amy, who knew I was just worn out. She begins to tell me about the Palm tree.

She tells me that Palm trees thrive where there are fiercer winds because it causes their roots to grow stronger.

She tells me I will grow stronger, my roots growing firm and steady, through all of this.

And than after she serves my soul through her words, she offers to take my kids for the day. I accept her offer. She shows up at my house at 8:30 the next morning, hands me flowers and a candle, gives me a smile and hug, and off they go.

Amy has five kids, ages 2-10. And she still took my kids.

But let me tell you something about Amy, who you might remember from A Night to Breathe. She is one of the most steady-souled people I know. She easy going and laughter is always on her lips. She can crack a joke that has you rolling one minute, and is with you in deep conversation the next. But it’s her steadiness that draws me in. I think you get that kind of peaceful, steady soul when you go through the fierce wind, and I don’t mean the book launch, doing too much kind. I mean the real winds of life.

See Amy has done through several storms. She lost her home in Katrina, and right after giving birth, she lost her mama unexpectedly. And she’s lost babies in her womb, and she’s sat in hospital’s trying to take care of another one who was very sick.

She is a Palm tree.

And it is evident that through her deep pain and loss and fierce wind, she stayed close to the steady One. She learned to move and breathe with His steady heartbeat. Slow and steady, one step, one breath at a time.

And now I see a woman who has strong roots and steady soul.

So when Amy tells me in her calm and soothing voice that I’m going to grow stronger through the pressure and vulnerability, I believe her.

And I will cry and praise and mess up and get up, and will be crazy town sometimes, but my soul will be steady, because these weak roots of mine are intermingled with the strong roots of my God, and it is with His strength that I keep on.

Whatever you’re going through, whatever pain or winds you’re experiencing, hang onto Him and know, your roots are growing strong and beautiful.

“The righteous will flourish like a palm tree…” Psalm 92:12

Love, SM

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  • Kelly Willington

    Love you, Sara Mae and all you do. I’m really grateful you wrote this post. Last night, I viewed your course launch and went to bed thinking, “how does she do it all?” I thought this because I want to do things that require time and planning but with four kids, it just seems I’ll never get to those dreams. You being vulnerable about this just makes me appreciate you more than I already do because you’re human, and I love people who are real. Thank you for being real, being you, being all that God has called you to be. Keep going. I also am growing into a palm tree…by God’s Grace alone. Hugs!

  • LindseyBell

    Wow, Sarah Mae. Yes. I wish I could meet your friend. Such an amazing testimony you shared. I love the illustration of the palm trees. It reminds me of winter. The harshest winters bring the prettiest springs.

  • Jimmie Lee DiIanni

    You have no idea how much I needed to know that I am not alone in my crazy town melt down wanting to be done experiences! I am glad you have a steadfast friend to lift you

  • Vera

    Thank you so much for writing this. I needed this so bad!

  • Yanira Ramos

    I need an Amy in my life. I know God is always with me when I feel alone. I need that spiritual momma. The non-judging, caring, lovable , will do anything for you momma. You’re blessed to have an amazing friend like Amy. I’m praying that God will place some great woman of God in my path. I have it in my heart to write a book, blog, speak & help others. I know that assignment does not come easy. But I’m ready to take it on in Jesus name!

  • http://www.joyfilleddays.com/ Sarah Beals

    You’re going to be okay. You’ve surrounded yourself with wise women and that’s a good place to be. Did you listen to Kara Tibbett’s husband’s sermon–his first one after her death six months ago? He talks about God being our dwelling place–dwell, abide. (Psalm 90) Sometimes we run to God as a refuge, or a shelter, but he encouraged the idea of “dwelling place.” Praying you have a good day.

  • Leah

    Sarah Mae, you are so awesome! I just love the way you speak from your heart with real words. You make me wanna laugh and cry, and just praise God all over again. Thank you for being real. I am praying for God to bring an Amy into my life, but I’m also praying God will help me be more like Amy for someone else. I have 6 children, and it is really hard to want to do anything that is truly inconvenient outside my home. I need to do a little soul steadyin (I’m sure that’s not a real word, but you know what I mean, lol). Keep on sister! You are such a light and inspiration. <3

  • Heather Elicker

    Amen! Amen! Amen! And Amen!

  • Berenice l

    Exactly how I’m feeling! Tired and done. Thank you for being so honest. Reading this gave me some comfort.

  • http://hikingtowardhome.com/ Sharon

    Love the Palm Tree illustration. I can almost hear Amy’s giggle in my head when you mention her telling a joke and see the loving gracious look in her eyes when you drop into that deep conversation. It was a blessing to meet her last year at Allume. What a blessing it is when God sends us “sisters” to live life with that leave handprints on our lives and hearts.

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