Category Archives: (in)courage
I had a boyfriend in college who told me he could never see me as a mom.
I asked him why he thought that, and he just said, “I don’t know. I just don’t see it in you.” His flippant words hurt. I had always wanted to be a mom, and this person who I cared so much for didn’t think I was worthy of that title.
Fast forward to now, and even though I have three beautiful children who I am absolutely in love with, his words creep up on me. Hidden behind the spoken words I hear, “You’re not good enough to be a mom.”
Some nights I lay awake with anxiety, spinning with thoughts of all I mess up in and all the ways I could do better. I just don’t want to regret my mothering years; I want to do right by my children.
Then the morning comes and everything feels new and I know I can begin again.
And I remember, I am not enough. I am not adequate. I will fail in a million and one ways. But merit doesn’t make a mother. God makes a mother.
Read the rest over at (in)courage today!
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~ savoring treats with my favorite people ~
For the first time in my life, I lost my sense of smell and taste.
It was the strangest thing not to be able to taste my morning coffee and bacon, or smell my children’s heads. At one point I tried to eat a banana, one of my favorite foods, only to be disgusted because apparently no taste and all texture makes bananas unbearable.
Food became pleasureless. I had no desire to eat anymore, except for the pure necessity of surviving. The silver lining, of course, was that since I couldn’t taste, I didn’t overeat, and I could drink green tea without any sugar or honey, and that has to be healthy. I even lost a few pounds.
Through my experience, I realized that food is not a gift. The taste of food is the gift, and the pleasure we receive from it.
Read the rest of this article on (in)courage today!
The movie was almost over when my sweet little girl fell asleep in my arms.
I looked at my other children and gave them the “shhh…” lips as I attempted to gently lift myself and carry my girl to her bed. As I tugged gently on the blankets and pillows surrounding me, her eyes opened. I picked her up and carried her up the steps heading toward her room.
“No mama, I’m not tired, I don’t want to go to bed.”
“Yes honey, it’s bedtime, I’m going to carry you to bed and lie down with you.”
The wriggling began.
The screaming, the crying, the desperation in her body for me to let her go…she started acted crazy.
Read how I calmed her down by heading over to (in)courage.
It’s really easy to put people in boxes and then only see the box, not the person.
I know, because I’ve done it.
I also know what being put in a box feels like, and it feels like one big misunderstanding. How many of us feel misunderstood? How many times do we misunderstand others?
I’ve been walking out this Christian life for longer than I recognize (because God chose me before I chose Him) and I’m finally getting used to the fact that so much of this life intertwined with God is mysterious, upsetting, unnerving, practical, impractical, hard, easy, ugly, and beautiful. It’s complex,like I am.
Life and people are full of complexities; when we box them up we take the easy road.
Read the rest of my article over at (in)courage today.