Apr 262013
 

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I know you’re busy.

Me too.

It’s been years since I facilitated a woman’s small group in my home. When I became pregnant with Caroline, I was tired and sick and didn’t want to have a small group in my home anymore (and I didn’t even want to go to one). I figured I could just pick it back up when I regained sanity and a got Care into a good sleep routine. Alas, things didn’t ever get back to the way they were. I never got over being tired, bedtimes became later at night, and I had no margin for one more thing. I had started to write, and that was my outlet; I felt like I needed it, so it was the only thing I made time for outside of my family. The problem was, I didn’t have any friends, and I thought I was fine. But you know, women need each other, and I had grown used to thinking I didn’t need anyone. I had convinced myself I was a loner.

This past winter I took a baby step and joined a woman’s bible study group at church. It was good, but it was in the church sanctuary and therefore lacked the intimate, inviting setting that {I think} only a home can provide. I love curling up on a chair or a couch with a some hot coffee in my hand and settling in for a good discussion. I miss having a women’s small group in my home.

I think it’s time to begin again.

If you’re thinking about starting a small group in your home, but aren’t sure how or where to begin, here’s a peek at what I’ve done (and plan to do)…

How to Start & Facilitate a Women’s Small Group in Your Home

Choosing to “Facilitate”

Notice that I used the word “facilitate” instead of lead. I say that because leading a study can feel intimidating, but facilitating one is just making a space where a study can happen; it’s being willing to get the ball rolling. As a facilitator my goal is to bring women together with a plan and to help (not dominate) the flow of the study and the evening. I’m making room for discussion to flourish by offering a warm, safe, and comfortable environment for women bring dark to light.

Figure Out What Kind of Study You Want to Facilitate

Do you want to read a book of the Bible, study a book, follow a Bible study guide, or have a topical study (one topic over a period of weeks, or a different topic each week)? It’s important to think through your limitations and count the cost before jumping in; pick something you know you can do with the time you have (this is so important so you can complete the study!).

Studies:

Reading a Book of the Bible: Pick a book and read through it together. Know what chapters you’ll be covering so everyone can read up, and then discuss it. This method is great for reaching out to your neighbors, those interested in learning more about the Bible, or new believers.

Use a Specific Method for Studying the Bible: One of my favorite ways to study the Bible in a group is by using the Inductive Bible study method. It is time consuming, but the insights you gain from the deeper study can be life-altering.

Use a Bible Study Guide: You can find Bible study guides anywhere. Beth Moore has a ton, and there is study for just about anything you could want to delve into. I usually do not like Bible study guides because the questions are obvious and the study can get boring real quick. However, there are some good ones out there (such as Beth Moore studies). Just make sure you leaf through it to make sure it has depth.

Discuss a Topic: You can do this by picking different topics for each week where you come prepared with your own thoughts, research, and scripture on the topic, or you can pick one topic to study the whole time, such as “marriage.” You can do your own research, or find a study guide to help you.

Read a Book: Sometimes it’s nice to just do a book club with other women. Get a hold of one of your favorites or one you’ve never read, and dig in together! If you’re doing a mom’s group, well, you know I recommend Desperate. ;)

Make a List of Women You’d Like to Invite

Think about the women around you that you think you would like to meet with over the course of several weeks. Do you just want some laid back girl-time with your dear friends, where you can talk super openly and have discussions late into the night? Or maybe you’d like to invite some women from your neighborhood or work or children’s school, and get to know them. Who is in your Oikos (those who God has placed around you)?

This time around for me, I’m going to invite some women from my neighborhood to study a book of the Bible together. I’m looking forward to deepening relationships that have begun, and watching to see how God’s Spirit moves during the several weeks we spend with one another.

Prepare for the Group

Depending on what kind of study you choose will dictate how much you need to prepare. You also need to figure out if your study will meet weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly (this depends again on what kind of study you’re doing and what your limitations are). As a homeschooling mom of three fairly little ones, I’m going to be doing the least amount of prep possible. I will read the chapter of the book we’re studying, write out a few questions or look some up, and that’s it. Do what you can with what you have.

Prepare the Environment

This is the fun part! Even if you don’t like to clean (hello, me), and you aren’t any good at decorating (hello, me again), you can still create a warm and intimate atmosphere where women feel comfortable and loved. It’s the little things, truly! Have a snack, some tea and/or coffee made, and have the living room picked up and comfy pillows around, and a candle or two lit. Let women know they can make themselves at home; let them know they can really settle in (naturally, this will take time).

Set Some Ground Rules

It’s a really good idea to have some ground rules ready to share. Here are the ones I use:

  • This is a safe, grace-filled place. Nothing said here gets shared with anyone else.
  • If you are an extrovert and have lot’s to say (that’s good, God made you that way!), keep in mind the quieter women of the group and give them time and space to share (rule of thumb for me as a facilitator is to count to 30 before answering – you could always pull your talkers aside privately and ask them to try that little trick as well)
  • If you disagree, do it kindly – we’re all on a journey figuring things out, and we’re all in different places with different histories and wounds, so be easy with each other (Life is hard, be kind)
  • Please try and be on time, and if you can’t make it, just call and let me know

What would you add?

Relax and Enjoy Learning/Discussing with Friends

Women like to talk, and if they feel safe, they’ll talk even more. Relax and let the night unfold! Have fun, think deeply (if you’re not sleep deprived with little ones), and enjoy the work that God is doing!

Bible Study Resources:

Studying Scripture Inductively 

How to Study a Book of the Bible

Printable for Doing a Topical Study

8 Questions to Ask Before You Choose a Bible Study Guide

Understanding Follow-Up of the New Believer

Desperate Small Group Guide for Moms

Keep on! -SM

P.S. Today is the last day to get the Desperate Companion Study DVD for FREE along with some cute earrings! Click here for the details!

Also, the giveaway for the maid service (and more) and this one for the Blessings Unlimited Grace & Gratitude Collection ends today! Enter by clicking on the links!

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 Posted on:April 26, 2013  Mentorship 6 Responses »
Jan 152013
 

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Jesus reached out to His disciples. He saw them, and he called to them, and He invested His life in them.

Titus 2: 3-5 says that older women are to teach the younger women.

I believe that older women should be reaching out to younger women. However, this doesn’t happen as much as younger women would like (busyness, insecurity on the part of an older woman, etc.). I’d like to offer some suggestions for younger women reaching out to older women.

Accept Humanness & Prepare For It

Sally isn’t perfect.

Many people believe that I found the perfect mentor. While it’s true that Sally is quite fitted to me, and she is my friend, advocate, and wise mentor, she’s still human! She struggles with sin just like the rest of us. When looking for a mentor, please don’t try and find someone who has it all together or has done everything right. Find someone who is humble, who loves the Lord, and is who is willing to do life with you. I love Sally because she is my friend, and she invests in my life, and we encourage each other; this is what a mentor does, walks out life with you, encouraging you and teaching you what they’ve learned throughout life. Remember, we all have sinful bents, and it is only Jesus who makes us beautiful and righteous. If you are looking for someone “perfect” you will never find them, or they will let you down. Accept the reality of humaness.

Pray

Yea, yea, I know, this is the obvious one, but it’s obvious for a reason: God hears us. Ask God to bring an older woman into your life. Ask Him who would you fit you as a friend, advocate, mentor, and life-walker.

Be Patient

You don’t have to fall in love with the first woman who asks you to coffee. Get to know them, and see if their is a commonality, a bond, a “clickness”. Don’t rush it.

Approach an Older Woman…or Two

Pay attention to the women around you, particularly in your church, and then one day ask them to come over for a cup of coffee. You don’t have to approach someone and say, “Hi, I’d like you to be my mentor.” Just get to know someone, or a couple someone’s. You’re not looking for undivided attention here, You’re looking for a real life friend, one who will sit with you as your kiddos are running around and needing fed and changed. You might not have a chance to get out for coffee, and that’s okay. A friend will meet you in the middle of your life, babies, cleaning, diapers, conflict, and all!

It’s Okay to Have More Than One Mentor

Sally is my long-distance mentor and friend, and Ginny is my local mentor and friend. I talk to Sally almost every day, and I have tea with Ginny usually once a week. Ginny also surprises me with Chai Latte’s in the morning, or washes my dishes, or makes hats for my kids and doll blankest for their dolls. She loves my children in person, and she cares for me (psst…older women, is there one young mama you can do this for?). I love Sally and Ginny, and both of them are gifts of grace to me from God. And just an FYI, the relationship that Ginny and I have began organically. We went to the same church, but didn’t even know each other. Her husband and my husband met for coffee once a week, and here and there I would talk to Ginny. Very slowly, over  a period of years, we finally get to know each other. It wasn’t until this past year that we really became dear friends. Relationships take time and effort. Make the time, and put in the effort, even if that effort is simply an open door to your life.

Don’t Forget Your Mother

If you have a healthy relationship with your mother, then you have a built-in mentor! Consider yourself blessed and reach out to her. Ask her about her life and her story and her offerings; get to know her anew. A mother who loves you and invests in you and is wise and godly is a gift! Don’t waste it.

How Other Women Found Mentors

I asked my FB community how they met their mentors; here are a few of their responses:

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Your Turn!

If you have a mentor, how did you begin the relationship?

What holds you back from mentoring a younger woman?

What holds you back from asking an older woman to get together?

Reading this in your email but want to comment? Click through to the blog!

Related:

The Secret of Finding a Mentor – Working Diligently at Friendship

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In Desperate – Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, read letters between Sally and I and watch videos of the two of us discussing motherhood (every chapter has a QR code and link where you can connect with us!). Consider asking an older woman (or younger) to read the book with you. You can buy the book at Barnes & Noble HERE, or Amazon HERE.

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 Posted on:January 15, 2013  Mentorship 22 Responses »