Research of every kind has suggested that media, constantly being indoors, over-entertainment, trying to manage children into little adults, too much exposure to sexual material and immoral values at an early age, is destroying the soul of children. They are being pushed and pulled and dragged from one place to another, endless activities, lessons that are supposedly “good” for them,  and forced to fit into the time boxes convenient to adults.  This stress is wreaking havoc and creating horrendous results on a generation of children who are growing up with emotional adult illnesses at early ages, lower vocabulary, more depression, vastly growing obesity as a childhood disease, and so much more. Premature addiction to sexual images and news stories and acting out adult values is damaging to their souls. Innocence and purity of mind is healthy to becoming healthy adults.

Children are starving for real life and drowning in the midst of an empty one.

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May they not grow up to imitate addiction to the computer. May they not learn and display passivity from adults ignoring their needs while paying too much attention to facebook, twitter, blogs and cell phones. May they not copy the habit of observing parents dwelling hour after hour in front of impersonal machines, while neglecting to honor and invest in real time relationships.

Read the whole article, Killing the Souls of Children, HERE.

Love, SM

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My Caroline is one sassy little spitfire.

She is also sweet and adorable and giggly and I couldn’t love her more. She is lovely to me.

But that sass. Her hand is just about permanently fixed on her hip, and the girl knows how to throw out some attitude. And honestly, it’s funny. She cracks my husband and I up. It’s cute now, but I’m thinking it’s not going to be so cute in a few years.

And I know this! I know that a sassy (impudent) attitude is not something I want to cultivate in my girl, and yet, I’ve let it slip in, and I’ve encouraged it.

Now please let me put something out there before I talk more about the sass; I love Caroline’s bright and lively, full-spirited personality! I will never try and tame the way God weaved her. She can have a gentle and quiet spirit and still be loud and fun, because “quiet” does not mean quiet at all, it means *tranquil (Tweet that). I want her to have a gentle and peaceful spirit, settled, content in the One who made her, vivacious her.

However, I will work towards taming the sass. I will work towards cultivating humility and kindness and gentleness in her spirit. There are no guarantees that I will be successful, but if the Holy Spirit is in her, the work is really not mine at all do; it is His. I will guide, I will correct, and I will let her see my failures and my dependance on the only One who can mold a person. With these things in mind, here are some suggestions for helping to tame the sass…

Five Ideas to Tame the Sass in Your Little One

Quit Laughing

Seriously, this sounds easy, but it’s hard. It’s hard because you’ve probably formed a habit of laughing at your babes cute sass, and it’s also hard because others probably laugh and encourage the sass (and you can’t control others). Start paying attention to how you respond to the sass, and try instead to discourage it, correcting it immediately.

Correct Immediately (gently and with a smile)

Correction sounds so harsh and un-fun, doesn’t it? And yet, sometimes that’s what we’ve got to do as parents. I remember a mentor once telling me that she tried to have more “yeses” in her children’s world’s than “nos” and I love that philosophy, and I agree with it! We could try and create an environment where we laugh and smile and encourage rather than frown and fix. With “yeses” in mind, when it comes to correcting, one way is to praise when your child acts in humble, kind, generous, respectful ways. “Oh honey, you did SUCH a good job when you spoke kindly to your daddy, I am so proud of you!” {Hugs and squeezes and affirmation.} When the sass rears it’s saucy head, you can gently bend down and say something like, “Words are for kindness and building other’s up. Let’s try and speak in kind ways.” Also, if you catch yourself speaking in a sassy way, ask your children to forgive you; let them know it’s not your ideal. One more thing, be patient with them.

Pay Attention to Your Own Sass (and the Influences Around Your Babes)

I’m pretty sure Caroline gets her sass from me {sigh}. Maybe your babes are picking up the sass from you, or a friend, or a T.V. show. Speaking of T.V., I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but most shows for kids and tweens are FULL of sass and outright disrespect for siblings and parents. We mess up a ton in our house, but the one area we are trying to be super diligent about is what is going into our children’s minds when it comes to movies and T.V. If you’re kiddos watch Disney or other seemingly innocent stations or shows, sit down with them for an episode and take note. Not cool. I highly recommend not getting sucked into the popular kid shows of our day, there influence is strong.

Memorize Scripture

Find a scripture that you can memorize with your child. Here is the one we memorized (I sing it, which helps it stick):

“Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is precious in the sight of the Lord.” 1 Peter 3: 3-4

If you use this verse, talk to your chid about the “hidden person of the heart”. Talk about what “imperishable” and “precious” mean. Teach your children to ask God to create in them the imperishable quality of a gentle and peaceful spirit in their inner person. Remind them that it is God, through the Holy Spirit who does the work; they cannot “fix” themselves, but they can ask God and they agree with Him.

Pray For and With Your Babe

Ask God to mold your children’s spirits, and ask Him to show you specific ways you can help guide your children; ask Him for wisdom and discernment, and pray that Jesus’ voice would be louder than the enemy’s. Teach your children to pray for these things as well.

Your Turn

How have you dealt with sass in your children?

Love, SM

*From Strong’s Greek: hēsýxios (an adjective derived from hēsyxos, “quiet, stillness”) – properly, quiet (still), i.e. steady (settled) due to a divinely-inspired inner calmness. (Isn’t that lovely?!)

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“Your greatest contribution to the kingdom you may be tucking in bed each night.” -Wes Stafford

Here is what I remember of my normal, every days as a child:

Bologna sandwhiches and Full House.

Having to play cars with my brother.

Picking up sticks.

Washing the bathtub.

Mac & Cheese or Beefaroni dinners.

Eating alone, while watching T.V.

Playing with friends.

Playing alone in my room.

I have no recollection of any intentional time being spent on me as a child. Time that involved teaching me, nurturing my soul, walking alongside me, explaining life in gentle, age-appropriate ways, engaging with my life and my thoughts and my troubles. This isn’t a slam on my parents so much as it is a commentary to how many families “raise” their children, not knowing how to parent intentionally, being tired or overwhelmed, or too busy, or who knows what.

Read the rest over at (in)courage today!

Love, SM

P.S. The winner of the Desperate Gift Pack is Lynne B., the winner of the lovely Grace & Gratitude Collection is Gina, and the winner of Sparkly Green Earrings is Rebekah! Congrats!

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“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Luke 6:45

Cozied up under my covers with my head nuzzled into my pillow, I began to think, and the thoughts rolled silently on my tongue…

I was swearing, and there was bitterness, and jealousy. Even though these words were whispers to myself, they were there. And I thought instantly, this is the overflow of my heart. I can’t tame my tongue because this is a heart issue…my ugly is coming straight from inside my soul. 

“but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” James 3:8

So instead of praying, “Lord, help me tame my tongue.” I’m praying, “Lord, give me a pure heart.” Because if my heart is cleaned out and I submit to the work of the Holy Spirit, than the overflow will be good words, uplifting words, blessings instead of curses.

As I was pondering my heart, I thought about why it is so important to focus on our children’s hearts instead of trying to tame their tongues. I will often hear something they say, or the way they say something, and it’s filled with an edge. I say, “We are not going to talk like that, it is not okay.” And I’m trying to tame the tongue, but really, I need to pull my child aside and ask, “What’s going on? Can we talk about these words and what is maybe behind them?” It might sound like I’m overdoing it, but I see past the attitude and I see stress, or tension, or built up resentment – in children! Underneath the biting words are feelings of disrespect, being wronged, not being listened to, etc. When I take the time to gently prod the heart, I find the root of the overflow. If I can help my children untangle the roots, then their words will change because their hearts will mend. And we must do this over and over and over again, because sin is always lurking; the flesh is aways ready to try and dominate the spirit.

When left to myself, I follow my sin nature. When my children are left to themselves, they follow their sin natures. When I am not reading God’s Word, when I let myself go, when I don’t discipline myself to think on good and lovely things, I become Hitler. What of my children? What could they become without the sorting out in their hearts? I’ve got to dig in, and Lord you do the digging and sorting and molding.

Lord tame our hearts because we can’t tame our tongues. We need you.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

Love, SM

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When I was in the process of writing Sparkly Green Earrings, I knew that my daughter Caroline would read it one day. In fact, it was my hope and prayer that she’d read it and know how very much she is loved and that I treasured all the moments of her childhood, even though there have been more than a few of them that I thought might buy me an early ticket to a retirement home. Or an all-expense paid trip to a mental institution.

And considering she’s only nine years old, I’m sure there are more to come.

But she completely caught me by surprise one night when she announced she’d like to buy my book on her Kindle. I told her she could, never imagining that she would actually decide to go ahead and read it, because she is a fan of anything with lots of action and adventure and maybe even a little science fiction thrown in. I can say with all certainty that my writing contains none of those things. Largely because I have little to no imagination and that’s why J.K. Rowling is a kajillionaire and I have to do my own laundry and sweep my own floors.

Well, at least one of the reasons.

Caroline began to read a few chapters of my book every night before bed and we’d usually laugh the next morning about how she used to refuse to poop on the potty or the time I was eight months pregnant and locked myself out of the house wearing a non-maternity bikini swimsuit.

But then one night before I went to sleep, I walked into her bedroom to check on her and her little voice said, “Mama?”

“What is it, baby?”

Her voice started to crack, “I read the chapter tonight where I went off to Kindergarten.”

“And? What’s wrong?”

She launched into full-blown sobs, “I read where you cried in the car after you dropped me off at Kindergarten and now I’m just so sad that I had to go to Kindergarten and leave you.”

Well. I had not envisioned this scenario.

I hugged her to me and said, “Babe, that was five years ago. And I did cry in the car because it was a new step and I was nervous and excited for you, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Remember how great Kindergarten ended up being? Remember how much we loved Mrs. Cook?”

She sniffled and replied, “Yes. But Mama? I was five when I went off to Kindergarten and that was five years ago now and I’m just afraid I’m growing up WAY TOO FAST and that I’ll be mean to you when I’m a teenager!”

Yes. That makes two of us.

Then she began to cry again as she said, “I don’t want to ever have to move away from you and Daddy. I just want to live at home forever and never leave.”

And as much as part of me wants that too, I know it’s not the way it works. God has made this incredible little person that I get to love and raise and spend about eighteen years with under the same roof, but he’s also created her to have her own dreams and desires. A big part of my job description is to continually lead her to him in everything she does so she’ll have the courage and faith to go where he leads. Even if that’s far away from me.

(Please God don’t let it be too far away.)

(And if it’s far away, please let her remember to always call home. Every night.)

So, as I tucked her back into bed and smoothed her hair away from her impossibly sweet little face, I assured her that it’s hard to believe right now, but a day will come that she will be ready to leave home and start her own life. And that I am so excited to watch her grow up and become the person that God intended her to be and I will always be cheering her on from wherever I am and that she can always come home when she needs her mom. Then right as I kissed her goodnight, I said, “Sometimes when we think ahead to the future it seems scary because we don’t know what’s going to happen yet, but God always makes us ready for the next step.”

Which is so true.

But in that moment I saw so much of myself. I fear the future. I worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow or what could happen the next day and I can take myself straight to FREAKOUT town full of worst case scenarios in about 2.8 seconds. If you think I’m kidding then I’ll confess that in the last six months I’ve diagnosed myself with at least four different types of cancer based on symptoms I read on the internet.

Did I just lose you on that? Did you just click away to quit reading the words written by a crazy person?

And what God has shown me lately, which echoed LOUDLY in my conversation with Caroline, is that I am guilty of envisioning possible scary scenarios without factoring in the mercy and grace he will give me in any situation I encounter. That I like to sit and worry about what will come or what might come without trusting in his provision. I’m doing the grown up version of Caroline worrying about leaving home even when that’s still at least nine years away.

Maybe you don’t relate to this at all. Maybe you are very healthy and secure and never doubt or worry. If so, please let me know what that feels like.

But part of me bets you do. There are so many days I feel like Peter when Jesus called him to walk to him on the water. He stepped out of the boat and, for just a few moments, experienced the sheer wonder of standing on top of water that he’d fished from all those years. But then he started to doubt. He began to look around and likely envisioned himself sinking straight to the bottom. Or maybe he thought there might be a shark nearby waiting to bite his leg off because that’s totally where my mind would go. Whatever the case, he let his fear of what might be ahead take his eyes off the one who holds it all.

I once heard it said that courage isn’t an absence of fear. It’s doing what you are afraid to do. It’s having the strength to let go of the familiar and move ahead into new territory.

More than any words written in a book, that’s what I want to give my daughter most of all. A faith that, even when all else fails, knows that God never does and he goes before us, holding our future in his hands.

And I like to believe he’s cheering us on all the way.

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Have you got your copy of Sparkly Green Earrings yet? You can do that here. If you want a chance to win a copy, just leave a comment and I’ll pick one winner via random.org!

Buy this book now, thank me later! Also, just wait until you read the porch + sickness story, you will laugh out loud. -SM

P.S. Desperate is still on sale for only $3.99!!! I don’t know why, but hurry and get it if you’ve been wanting it! Also, don’t forget to enter this giveaway for the maid service (and more) and this one for the Blessings Unlimited Grace & Gratitude Collection!

Love, SM

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I’m bouncing around today…

The First Pay-Off {on Parenting} Over at (in)courage

Excerpt: I feel like we’re in this cocoon stage for a while before they burst out and want to fly while I balance keeping them on the ground awhile longer and letting them shake their colors and soar. The teen years. Which I don’t fear at all. I like teenagers, and I think that if I can just hold on tight and make it through, we’ll get to the other side, when their sane, and in their mid-twenties.

Read the rest here.

For When You Wake Up and Feel You’ve Lost Yourself to Motherhood over at The Big Mama Blog

Excerpt: So that oxygen-filled space where you were becoming, that spirit which filled-out your un-stretch-marked skin – where is she? Does she exist anymore or do you make room for a hybrid you?

Read the rest here.

Love, SM

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There is cheese smushed on my kitchen floor.

Do you know why there is cheese smushed on my kitchen floor?

Because I let my kids eat shredded cheese on the kitchen floor…no plates, no silverware…just straight out of the bag.

Sometimes parenting is just that way.

And sometimes you just need to roll with it so you don’t have a freak out.

Which I almost had today.

But I didn’t.

Read the rest of my article over at MomHeart.org today!

P.S. Head on over to I Take Joy to read the conclusion of the Desperate book club!

Love, SM

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My oldest came to my room after bedtime and said, “Caroline keeps saying she needs you.”

I went upstairs and looked at my sweet little one, who is now four, curled up under her covers peacefully. I said, “Do you need me?” She nodded. I knelt down, crawled into bed with her, and snuggled up close. “Lullaby, and goodnight…” I softly began to sing. I rubbed her head and  nuzzled my nose into her hair, and felt the delicateness of her soft skin. She lay there precious and still, with heavy eyelids, and I kissed her head and thought, “How many times have I rushed bedtime? How many moments like this have I lost?”

And it was there in her bed in that quiet moment that I realized how much she needed me, and how much I had neglected that need.

When my straggly-haired hippie girl was only two-years old I did everything I could to get her to go to bed, but she wouldn’t stay put. Sometimes she would get out of bed 20 times, and just about every time she would say, “I just want to be with you.”

I thought she was disobeying, and I felt like I was going crazy because I was so tired and I just wanted my own time; I needed a break. So after trying all sorts of discipline techniques, after crying, after praying, I would sometimes get angry and I took it out on that little girl just trying to figure out how to be with her mama. Because that’s what it was about, she just needed me, maybe in bed with her, rubbing her head, singing to her, loving her; she just needed me to be with her. And all my fighting of it did nothing but cause pain and tears and regret.

I know this now, and so here is what I have to say to all you tired mamas out there:

I know you’re about worn out, and most days, bedtime can’t come soon enough. You need a break or you feel like you will lose. your. mind. Seriously, I know. But let me tell you, it hurts to lie down next to your baby and realize just how much you missed the ball when it came to her needs. It hurts when you remember how you thought you needed to discipline her when really, she just needed you to lie down and cuddle and comfort.

Do you remember when you were little and how you wanted your mom or dad to stay with you just a little while longer? Do you remember ever having your head rubbed and how good that felt? Did you ever get sung to?

I’m telling you friend, sometimes we need to just quit fighting and give in. I know there are nights you just can’t give anything else, and that’s okay, God knows. But on the nights you can push through just a little more, do it. Sing to your two-year old, snuggle down close in their bed, rub their head, nuzzle into their hair, and whisper, “You are a delight” (even if you don’t feel it). 

“You can go now, mama.” Caroline says.

I smile, roll off her bed, and quietly leave her room. She got her fill, and now she can sleep. Oh that girl, the wild one, she is truly a delight. I whispered those words to her so many times praying that they would eventually be true, and now, without a doubt, they are 100% true. She is utter joy to me.

She just needed to grow up a little bit.

And honestly, so did I.

Because what I know now that I didn’t know then, was that she just wanted me. Just how God made it so – a little one to want, to need her mama.

Just like your little one needs you.

Love, SM

Related:

Are Your Children Acting Crazy? Maybe They Need More Of You

Desperate – Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

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“Discipline is not just an act to stop disobedience, it’s a leading into a path of righteousness.” -Clay Clarkson

So this post on gentleness got quite the response!

As a follow-up, I offer these resources, ones that I go back to time and time again for help with training and disciplining and discipling my babes. Hope they help and encourage you:

Heartfelt Discipline–Following God’s Path of Life to the Heart of Your Child by Clay Clarkson

So so so good. Heartfelt Discipline is filled with stories, practical help (not formulas), and wisdom. The most interesting part of this book is the study of the rod in scripture – it is thorough and surprising. If you could only have one book on child training, I say get this one.

Perfectionism by Ann Voskamp

“…why did I ever think our children could be perfectly obedient? 100% of the time?”

Read, read, read! Right now!

Seasons of a Mother’s Heart by Sally Clarkson

This is a go-to book for me when it comes to parenting. The chapter on compassionate parenting changed our family for the good. Highly recommended. Sidenote: The description says it’s for homeschool moms, but it will help and encourage any mom.

The Mystery of Discipline, Part 1

The Mystery of Discipline, Part 2

Also, pray. Seriously, pray and listen and treat your babes how you want to be treated. And when you mess up (you will), begin again. And again.

Giveaway!

I have three copies of Heartfelt Discipline to give away! Just use the form below to enter! (If you’re reading this in an email, click here to come to the blog and enter!)
a Rafflecopter giveaway

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P.S. The Desperate book club is over at Sally’s today! She’s talking about Chapter 7 – Sacrifice in the Mundane!

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He was 2 1/2 and I spanked him. I spanked him over and over and over again, because I thought I was doing the right thing, the godly thing. I needed him to obey, there was no other option.

I was tired and overwhelmed, and I just wanted compliance. I wanted him to honor me by obeying me; I wanted be biblical in the training of my child. I wanted to raise an obedient child so that one day he would be great.

But my son, with the bright blue eyes, he was sad. Very, very sad.

Read the whole over at (in)courage.

Need help navigating the waters of discipline? I highly recommend Heartfelt Discipline: Following God’s Path of Life to the Heart of Your Child

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