There are two ways to lose your life.
You can lose your life by doing too much, draining out, and then missing out on the fullness of life, or you can lose your life by choosing the selflessness of the cross in order to invest in the eternal.
I’m losing my life in the wrong kind of way, and I’m tired. I’m bored, and selfish, and I forget what it feels like to enjoy my children. I thought I was back in the groove, but it’s the wrong groove. I remember before I started I blogging, I was a pretty good mama. Granted, I only had two at the time, but I really invested in them, and my home, and my husband. I was excited to teach them, and be with them, and cultivate their souls. And now, I’m shallow. I’m overwhelmed with the responsibility of teaching and training my sweet ones, meeting my husbands needs, and making a home. I rely too much on the internet for a source of escape when my children don’t listen, or they fight, or they want too much of me. They don’t even have enough of me. I can’t live like this; I don’t want to wake up in 15 years and regret my life.
I need to live.
I want to keep my life by losing it for the eternal.
I’m not going to be online in November, because I’m out of control. I’m going to spend my days re-learning how to enjoy my family, make a home, reading in the evenings to my children, baking with my babes, doing Thanksgiving crafts, getting out into the community, having coffee with my in-the-flesh friends, and living. I want to live fully alive for the glory of God. I want the eternal in my home. I want to win my kids hearts. I want to love my man well.
And for whatever reason, I can’t seem to do those things and blog.
I’ve been living in the tension for too long. You all have seen it, I’m so back and forth. I’m sorry for that.
So it is.
See you in December. Maybe.
My book, Desperate – Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, comes out January 8th. The book site is up so if you get a chance, check it out. More will be added to it in the coming weeks.