I was speaking with a friend and we were talking about parenting and how we want so badly to do it well. She said something that profoundly affected my viewpoint on God, my weaknesses, and His grace. She said,

“I’m praying that God stands in the gap where I fall short.”

Hearing her say those words was like a long-awaited breeze drying off a summer sweat. They were so hope filled. Yes, God wants to see my children walking with Him, so  because He is well aware of my inadequacies, I believe He will stand in the gap when I fall short.

Because ya’ll, I fall short.

But so what, because the fact is He loves my babies and wants them to know Him and enjoy Him.

I love my babies too, but the reality is I’m just another human on this journey with them.

(Well, not just another human, their very special human.  )

I wasn’t born with motherhood figured out. I wasn’t even born self-less and awesome. I was born prone to wonder.

Yet, I’m clinging to the hope that He will fill in the gaps as I pursue this goal (as spoken by Sally Clarkson):

“I don’t just want my kids to be moral. I don’t just want them to know all of the biblical rules for behavior. I don’t just want them to make it through my home with good grades, no drug addition, and no premarital sex. I want them to leave my home with a hunger and passion to know God personally and to be used by him to accomplish great things for his kingdom.”

Oh this.

I want to pass on to my children a hunger and passion and a Kingdom focus. But it won’t come easy and it won’t come cheap.

What great thing does?

My goal as a parent then is to be as intentional as possible when it comes to instilling in my children a love of God. I suppose this will be something they see in me as I teach them.

It will, of course, take a lot of falling down and getting back up. A lot of forgiveness and grace and the seeking of His face.

A lot of beginning again.

But it’s all okay, because He knows.

And He’s for us.

With three small children, I know I have a long road ahead of me. One that requires much sacrifice on my part, but one that will no doubt surprise me one day as I look back on how fast it all actually went. I am also anticipating great joy.

I know God is continually, gently, guiding me to persevere, have vision, and keep my eyes on Him. He is my shepherd; He is my children’s shepherd, and He stands in the gap with a mercy that makes the spirit inside me swell with gratitude and peace.

I can do this.

Because He’s with me every step of the way.

“…I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Love, Sarah Mae

I used to feel guilty all the time.

Mainly, mother guilt.

But I’ve had wife guilt, house-cleaning guilt, homeschooling guilt, eating guilt, and a slew of other “guilts”, if you will. In fact, I would say that for most of my adult years I’ve lived in a perpetual state of guilt. The, “I’m-not-doing-enough, I-keep-failing, I’ll-never-get-it-together” kinds of guilt.

It’s a plague, really.

A plague I have not only allowed, but invited.

I’ve let the guilt in to do it’s dirty work, to make me feel worthless, to keep me down; to keep me looking down instead of up.

Up.

And there it is, the trick of that slimy, slithering devil, always tempting us, teasing us, encouraging us want to look down, down, down. Down to our weaknesses. Down to our struggles. And right on Down to him. He wants us bent in his direction, not free and wide-open, head back, gazing up.

Oh sure, there is a built-in guilt that is good and of God and that shows us the way when we forget His goodness and we try out our own…our own way. But I’m talking about the guilt of constant self-critique, of always feeling like a mess, like a wreck, like a fraud. Like someone who lives in fear that she will damage her children and will never get intimacy right or who still has clothes piled up in crevices of her bedroom.

And all may be so, but that is not the place for guilt. That is human, and personality and quirks and bents and strengths and weaknesses wrapped up in a flesh that will struggle until that glorious day when the struggle will be gone.

Be free.

You’re never going to get “it” right on this earth, except the right that accepts the pure, wondrous grace of God…and keeps walking by faith, looking…

up.

Keep your eyes on Him, sisters. Let go of that guilt so you can really start living. You’re not meant to wear those guilt shackles. You’re meant to live free.

He gives the freedom, and it’s the only real kind.

Now go! No more guilt for living out your human. You’ve got a God who is willing to live inside you, to guide you and comfort you, and He is perfect. Perfect intertwined with human…intertwined with you (if you are in relationship Him). God, He is so kind.

So look up, be free, and

live.

Love, Sarah Mae

My little girl threw up last night.

We were cuddled up having family movie night, watching The Grinch, when she said, “Mom, can I go to bed early?”

“Sure, honey. Are you okay?”

“I don’t feel good.”

I got up with her and we walked together up to her bedroom. I got her bed ready, and just as I was getting a trashcan to put by her bed, she went to the bathroom and threw up.

I held her hair.

I cleaned her up.

And I tucked her into bed with lullabies playing on her CD player.

“Mom, you don’t have to stay, I don’t want you to get sick.”

“It’s okay, God make moms to take care of their babies, and to comfort them.”

She smiled wearily.

I snuggled up to her and rubbed her head. Soon, she feel asleep.

I came downstairs and, after tucking the other little ones into bed, and I got into my own bed. I leaned over to my husband and told him how glad I was to be able to comfort our children.

I told him how I have no memories of a mama cuddling up to me, rubbing my head, and nurturing me, sick or otherwise. But no matter, because I can do that for my babies. And it occurred to me how often I think of myself as a failure as a mom. I don’t teach them scripture enough, read to them enough, do enough. Sometimes I let them watch too much T.V., and I wonder, “Am I just a big failure as a mom?”

You know what? No! I’m not a failure as a mom, and neither are you.

I’m deciding right now not to focus on my weaknesses, or my failings, but rather on the fact that I love my children and they are taken care of, nurtured, prayed over, snuggled into, and invested in.

Not perfectly, but lovingly, by the grace of God.

I do a ton of things wrong, but God gave me these children, and He knew my personality, my weaknesses, and my strengths. And He made me a mama.

I think the enemy wants us so focused on our weaknesses so that we can forget about all the good things we bring to our children.

I especially think that if you’re concerned if you’re doing a good job or not, you probably are a great parent.

So here’s the bottom line: Keep on loving your babes with what you’ve got and who you are. Focus on the good things; parent through your strengths. Don’t compare. And when you’re really struggling with thoughts of failure, remember Paul’s words in Romans 7:15-23:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

You are not alone in your feelings of failure. But you are not a failure. You are a good mom. So you friend, you keep on.

Keep on.

Sarah Mae

You may remember me writing about my sweet Caroline in this post, Loving a Wild One.

She was the one who humbled me as a mom. She was also the one who I thought was going to cause me to

Lose.

My.

Mind.

For real.

Here is a little excerpt from Desperate about her:

After approximately one thousand and one times of Caroline getting out of bed, I was ready to head to the mad house. I would have happily packed my bags and gone to bounce off the white walls. It was that bad. Spanking didn’t work, sternness didn’t work, ignoring her didn’t work, begging and tears didn’t work; she laughed in the face of my formula-wielding ways. The only reason she finally fell asleep was because tiredness overcame her. She won. I was defeated. I cried again and again.

The reality sunk in: Caroline was not going to fit in any box. There would be no pat answer for how to raise and discipline her. I was not prepared to raise an out-of-the-box (as Sally calls her) child.

But you know, that precious girl is now such a delight to me. Truly! I mean, not in mom speak, in for real, she’s a joy to be around, truth. She is sweet and kind and {mostly} obedient and fun and just lovely all-around.

She delights my soul. But it didn’t just happen. I’d like to share with you some things I think made a difference in how she has changed.

How My Daughter Became a Delight to Me

I Quit

I had too much going on, and the fact is, I was neglecting my daughter. I felt like I was losing her heart, and at such a young age! At two and three years old, I had already offended her to where she would push me away. I finally just started quitting things, including the Allume conference. Jesus said that He left the 99 for the 1. I took a cue from Him and decided that I needed to walk away from most of what I was doing and go after my one, my Caroline. And after her I went. I was determined to win her heart, and you know what? I have.

No regrets.

Also, by slowly taking outside work off my plate, I became much less stressed, which was helpful all around.

I Gave Her My Time

In going after her and her heart, I had to give her my time. She needed me, and isn’t that exactly what little ones need, their mamas? I really began offering myself to her, loving her, nurturing her, working with her, encouraging her, and really being for her. In practical terms, I began spending more time with her, being patient when she messed up and teaching her instead of yelling at her, smiling more at her, rubbing her arms and legs and head, reading to  her, cuddling, snuggling in bed with her, talking with her, and doing fun things with her. I don’t get it all right (I still get impatient, yell sometimes, etc.), but I’m present with my family, and that has made a huge difference.

I Got Wise

It finally sunk in that without time and intention and hard work, I wasn’t going to raise my children well. And by “well” I mean intentionally teaching and training them in how to do life.

Recently Sally turned 60, and for her birthday all her children came home and spent a week with her. One of her children said, “You took the time to teach me, and you poured into me, and wherever I go I have the wisdom to make decisions, use manners, rely on scripture to guide me, and I realize how much time it took for you to accomplish all that. I realize you gave everything in your life to raise us to be great people.”

That’s what I want, but it’s not going to come easy, and it’s not going to come if I don’t pay attention and work for it.

She Matured

For the love, my sweet girl was only two years old when I started to feel like I was going to go under with her! I thought being two was a forever sentence, and life would never change. I also thought all two-year olds would obey the same. Laugh now. She had her own gig, and she was not going to go along with my plans (and I wasn’t going to beat her to make her). But here’s the thing, we both matured.

For one, Sally told reminded me that, “She is only two, and I really think if she could obey you she would.” Sally encouraged me to spend more time with her, and to be patient with her, and to fill her needs. As I shared above, I gave myself to that good work. The other thing though, and the really big thing to keep in mind, is that little ones grow up! This is the nature of a child. We need to be patient as they mature, and in the meantime, give them what they need: our time and love. Discipline is in there, but sometimes we discipline for immaturity, which I think will do more harm than good.

All this to say, if you have a little one that is making you feel crazy, cut yourself some slack, cut them some slack, and remember: they mature (if you help them).

Keep on

Motherhood is hard work if we give ourselves to it, but it’s good work. We will mess up so many times, but we will also get so many things right.

Don’t give up. I know some days you feel like throwing in the towel, but listen to me: hang in there. What you do, it matters. Keep loving and snuggling your babes; you’ve got this. For real.

Keep on!

SM

“Holiness is not about getting right and wrong perfected, but it’s about living in the Light, living without anything hidden.” Bill Thrall

I had a friend text me recently and ask if I would be her parenting mentor.

I laughed to myself and texted back, “Sure, but  it might be the blind leading the blind!”

Ever since her text, I’ve been thinking about parenting and what I could offer her, what I’ve learned, and what has been helpful for me as I do my best with my three babes. I’m not great at teaching and training my children, I get impatient and irritated too easily. I don’t spend enough time with them at bedtime, and I’m not as fun as I’d like to be with them. But there is one thing that God has impressed upon me that I try to impress upon them, and it is this:

Be in the Light.

Don’t hide; never hide.

Your ugly is never so ugly that you can’t be loved or forgiven. Also? I’ve got a lot of ugly of my own. You aren’t alone.

You’ve also got a whole lot of beautiful, because you were created in the image of God.

You are loved no matter what. Nothing you could do could change my love for you. On your best day or your worst day, I love you the same.

Nothing you could say or do could make me love you more or less.

You can always talk to me, about anything; approach me with confidence, because I’m on your team.

You are pleasing to me because you are my child.

You will mess up, and you’ll do it a lot, but that’s okay. I mess up a lot, too. We’re in this together; it’s why we need Jesus.

We need Jesus.

You and me both, kid. Because we will never get “it” right in this life. There will be loose ends and trouble and sin swirling all around us, but if we hold onto Jesus, we’ll make it.

And grace.

A million times you will mess up, and a million times I will forgive you. And please forgive me, too, for my million mess-ups.

If we carry on in grace, and stay in the light, we can do this thing called life. And we can do it fairly well.

So there it is, my big parenting advice. It’s really all I’ve got. But I think it’s everything, because it’s how the Father loves us.

“…to all who did receive him [Jesus], to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”  John 1:12

Love, SM