My neighbor came to pick up her daughter the other night. “Hi!” I said.

“Hi, how are you?” She said? “I’m alright, you?” “Good.”

And so it goes, “Good”, “Fine”, “Alright.”

Nothing wrong with saying the easy surface thing because who has time for the truth?

But I took a walk today and I thought, I don’t want to say the surface thing anymore. It’s boring and it doesn’t give any opportunity for grace or relating or freedom to be vulnerable and let someone else be vulnerable.

So, this is what I’m going to start saying:

How are you?

“I’m okay, things have been pretty good lately. Still dealing with marriage intimacy issues, waiting for God to bind up that mess. Better than it used to be. I’m up many nights with anxiety, fretting over my kids – “am I doing enough? Am I praying for them enough? Time is running out for me to teach them!” Still battling the comparison monster, you know, not feeling good enough, equipped, smart enough, etc. I was feeling depressed on Tuesday, couldn’t get out of my chair. Everything felt dark. Those days come every now and then. I cry over my mom sometimes, the grief just hits me and I’m not interested in stuffing it, so it just is. I actually cried in front of the neighborhood kids the other day as I was writing about her. I figure if anything they’ll see normal grief and maybe have a story to tell about their emotional neighbor one day. I make for a good memoir for someone.

But the thing is, I really am okay, today, right now. I know God will deal with this stuff. I know that tomorrow I might face something hellish. Sometimes life just hurts and I just have to sit in it, the pain. It comes and goes. I’m not fighting it, just sitting with it. “Here God, do something with this. I’ll wait. I love you. I trust you.” Most of the time I think I trust God. Sometimes I cry out and wonder, “are you even there?'”

That’s a lot of words. Maybe I’ll just say, “Okay and not okay. Life is painful and weird.”

Maybe my neighbor or the nice lady at the church desk doesn’t have time to hear all that truth, but that’s okay, I’ll say it anyway because maybe it will loosen something in her. Maybe it will show her that it’s okay to be “not fine” and to just be in the tangle of life and still be okay. Painfully, vulnerably, okay. 

Love to you,

SM

P.S. It’s okay if you’re also feeling awesome today. Those days are my favorite.

I’m angry. I’m angry at ISIS.

I feel hate towards them. I hate what they’re doing to the world. I hate that they murder and rape and torture and ruin lives and families and homes. I want them to go away and stop hurting people. I want them stopped.

And I open my Bible and the Lord says,

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” (Luke 6:27-28)

But how Lord? How do I love a group of people who hate and murder and rape and torture others? How do I love ISIS?

And the Lord gently leads me to this first thing: pray for them.

It is an act of love to pray for my enemies.

“When I got saved and I was told my mentor to start reading by the book of Matthew, start with the book of Matthew, when I got to reading to Matthew 5:43 and 44, where the Word of God says, “[You have heard it said] love your neighbor and hate your enemy, but I say to you, love your neighbors and pray for those who persecute you.” Love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.

It shocked me and I knew the Lord was speaking to me. I jumped out of my seat and I screamed so loud saying, “No way! Lord, I will never love them.”

I know what He was saying to me. Love the Jews. I was giving all the excuses for the Lord, why I will not love them. They took my house. They killed my people. They’re still persecuting us. And after I got tired talking, the Lord started speaking to me in my ear saying, ‘They have done more than that to Me, but I still love them.'” -Tass Saada, author of The Mind of Terror (You can listen to Mr. Saada and hear his story on Focus on the Family radio here.)

God loves the leaders of ISIS, each one of the them. And if we want to see change, we must get on our knees for them. We must pray for the leaders of ISIS.

If you’re not sure how to pray, pray this:

Lord, help me to see the individuals of ISIS as beloved by you, as those created in your image and worthy of your healing and transformative power. I pray for these ISIS leaders that they would have a revelation of Jesus, that their eyes would be opened and they would turn to You. I pray you would speak to them personally, intimately, in their dreams or through friends or through a prophetic utterance from someone. You know all the deep places of their hearts; you know the wounds, the histories, the anger, the hurt. Would you speak to them in those places? Would you show them who you are, and how much you love them. Please choose them, bring them to an understanding of your love. Lift the veil from their eyes that they would see you. And please Lord, give them a tenderness for the people they are hurting; soften their hearts; let them see. I pray they would repent and reject terror. I pray, that like Paul, they would have a Damascus-like experience and turn fully to you, and begin to lead others to love and follow you. I ask this in your name Jesus, Amen.

As you pray daily for these leaders (in the car, as you wake up, as you go to sleep – whenever they come to mind), you can begin praying for their families, those they influence, and however else the Spirit leads.

We are not helpless, and we are certainly not hopeless. We fight with words and groans, and we have an advocate that is working on behalf of our prayers. And that advocate, Jesus Christ, changes hearts. So pray pray pray.

Love, SM

#PrayForISIS

Pray and act. Click HERE to tangibly help those who have been victimized by ISIS.

This morning as Caroline and I were driving back from the grocery story (Saturday morning muffins, FOR THE WIN), she looks out the window at a woman jogging and says, “I could never run a mile.”

I have no idea where that thought came from, but I said to her, “Sure you could, you would just have to practice.”

I began to tell her how God made our bodies in a way that we can build up endurance. If you want to run a mile, the first day you might just walk a little bit, the next day you walk a little faster, and so on and so on, and eventually, you would be able to run a mile.

After sharing all this with her, I said, “I wish someone would have told me about endurance when I was younger and trying out track; I just thought I couldn’t run and was a failure at it.”

And all of a sudden it hit me, I have to tell young moms about endurance in motherhood! Because if I don’t say something, say that it takes practice and work and consistency and twisted ankles and side stitches and exhaustion, then maybe they won’t know. Maybe they will think they are failures at mothering. IT TAKES TIME and practice to grow into mothering with wisdom and maturity and grace and gentleness. But the more we practice, the more we keep on, step by step, slow and steady, learning, doing, listening to older moms, staying before the Lord and relying on His Holy Spirit, the better we will get! There is a reason the Scripture talks about older women teaching younger women to keep on, we need to know we aren’t failing (practical tips are also helpful)! We need to know it takes time and work and sweat and tears. We need to know, ALL OF THIS IS NORMAL.

You are normal if you struggle with mothering.

And when I say, IT GETS BETTER, I don’t just mean it gets easier because your kids sleep and are more self-sufficient (although sleep is awesome), it gets better because you get better. You mature. You grow in grace. You are acting out of what you have been given by God. You have been molded and tested, and if you keep on, you will make it through the fire. And yes, motherhood is a fire sometimes.

So get your running shoes, pace yourself (oh my goodness, PACE YOURSELF), and keep on.

Love, SM

This is Dawntoya, my only black friend, and by friend, I mean I’m still getting to know her because she doesn’t even live near me. But, on our way to Thailand, we had some wonderful conversations on race. Also, I need more diversity in my life.

Well, we’ve had quite a week here in America (I mean, more than a week, but this week I’m finally starting to pay more attention).

Most of you know what I’m talking about, but in case you don’t, Alton Sterling was killed, then Philando Castile was killed, and then these officers were murdered.

These events are just the new ones in a long line of shootings that have caused a community of people to feel unheard.

I’m finally listening. And what I’m hearing/learning is this: We have a problem. So I want to get quiet and listen and learn so that I can love. And so that I can teach my children how to love well. For the past few days I’ve been thinking and praying and talking with friends and reading up on race in America.  I want to understand. I want to be someone who is willing to get uncomfortable in order to lean in to a perspective I’ve never had. I’m seeing disparity between black voices and white voices all over, and I want to understand it; I don’t want to ignore it. I want to say, “Teach me.” Or better yet, “I will take the initiative to learn so I can understand, so I can love and be on the side of justice when necessary.”

“Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” -James Baldwin

I’m going to go ahead and preface this right now by saying if you have all this race stuff figured out, ignore this post. I do not have it figured it out. I thought I knew a lot more than I did, but the truth is, I don’t know.

If you want to learn along with me, I’ve gathered some resources and you can check them out below.

Here are the questions I’m asking as I read and listen to these perspectives: Could this be true? Is it possible I don’t have clarity on some of these issues that I thought I had? If this is true, what does it mean? How can I go forward? How can I love? These are my questions.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” John 13:34

Start with this —-> Senator Tim Scott (R) Delivers Talk on Race

“…the vast majority of our law enforcement officers have only two things in mind: protect and serve. But we do have serious issues that must be resolved. In many cities and towns across the nation, there is a deep divide between the black community and law enforcement. A trust gap. A tension that has been growing for decades. And as a family, one American family, we cannot ignore these issues.”

Next, this —-> What is systemic racism? 

A conversation about systemic racism from two Christian men. Once you get past the intro, this conversation gets real, and WHOA, the stats. Excellent and so helpful. Please, please listen.

“I think if you’re a white person or person in the majority and want to understand the perspective of many minorities, you’ve got to know the ins and outs of systemic racism.”

“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31

Begin watching this —-> O.J.: Made in America (This really helped me to understand the O.J. verdict, for right or wrong. And yes, it makes sense to watch it in light of where our country is at right now.) Sidenote: There is a poignant moment in the documentary where a white news man is talking about how obvious a certain argument for the prosecution seemed to him, until his black co-worker shared how offensive the argument was (and she explained why), and he said, “This is why it is so important to have diversity in the workplace.” It was a big “Aha” moment for me.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9

Video:

How Can Blacks and Whites Stand Together on Racial Injustice?

“Rather than being reactive, Onwuchekwa encourages people to be proactive—initiating conversations, seeking clarity, desiring others’ perspective. In short, he says, the ideal posture should be that of a student.”

Skin in the Game (Andy Stanley interviews two African American men race and what’s happening in our country)

“Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.” Isaiah 1:17

Talk:

We Need to Talk About an Injustice 

After the speaker explains what he does for a living, challenging injustice (he goes on to list all the things he’s working towards), Rosa Parks says to him, “That’s going to make you tired, tired, tired.” And her friend leans over to him and says, “That’s why you’ve got to be brave, brave, brave.”

Articles/Blog Posts:

Will You Weep With Me?

What Shootings and Racial Injustice Mean for the Body of Christ

Humility is the Key to Understanding Race Relations

Will Christians Constructively Converse About Systemic Racism?

An important read on what racism really is: “That is racism. Once you let yourself see it, it’s there all the time.” (some language)

Death in Black and White

Books on My Reading List:

Divided by Faith

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria: And Other Conversations About Race

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption

Between the World and Me (consider reading this review first)

Reconstruction Updated Edition: America’s Unfinished Revolution, 1863-1877

The Mis-Education of the Negro

The Souls of Black Folk

On Twitter? Here are some black voices to follow:

@dawnthom

@LatashaMorrison

@redrev

@Burns23

@ThabitiAnyabwil

@JemarTisby

@austinchanning

@amenabee

@CSCleve

@bj116

@LeonceCrump

@BDTSpelman

@RAANetwork

@thederekminor

@humblebeast

“We want Justice. We want the country we love to treat us equally. What we DON’T want is violence and bloodshed of any person.” –Derek Minor

“When the world looks at the world and says “What’s going on?”  The answer is clear. Sin is going on. Pain, injustice, violence, hatred, and death are going on all around us. And yet, when the church responds to what’s going on we also remind the world that in Jesus Christ —Grace is going on. Mercy is going on.” –Tony Carter

“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Black Lives Matter does not mean “black lives matter only.” It means “black lives matter too.” It’s a contextualized statement, like saying “children’s lives matter.” That doesn’t mean adult lives don’t matter. But in a culture that demeans and disparages them, we understand we have to say forthrightly and particularly that children’s lives matter. In the face of a historic and contemporary context that has uniquely disparaged black life as not worth valuing or protecting in the same way as others, they are saying black lives matter just as much as every other life. Ironically, saying “Black Lives Matter” is really a contextualized way of saying, “All Lives Matter.”” –Mika Edmondson

“Church: Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray.” –Humble Beast

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.” 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Love, SM

I met two of the men who go into brothels on a regular basis.*

These two men go in and sit down and order a drink and they see girl after girl after girl up on stage. They are looking for minors and girls with signs of abuse. Sometimes the girls are naked. Sometimes they have a bikini on. I asked Matt, one of the men, why some girls have bikini’s on and some don’t. “The girls have to pay the bartender to take their bikini’s off.”

Oh.

The topless girls might be chosen quicker, meeting their quotas quicker. 100 men a month. The more men, the more money, the more quickly you can pay off your debt bondage. It’s all so complicated and layered, this business of human trafficking.

So these two men go into dark, dirty places and see dark and dirty things. Some of which I won’t tell you. What I will tell you is this: these men, these good Christian men, will be the first to say that they are not good.

They are not above any other man. They are not more righteous or holy. They are just men, who go into brothels by the grace and power of the Holy Spirit in order to help set captives free.

Humble is a word that comes to mind.

Willing. Able. Knowing they are flesh and blood men, full of normal humanity, willing to go in and see beyond the skin to the girl who might be trafficked and needing rescued.

I have the highest esteem and respect for these men who keep on despite the narrative that men aren’t able to have self-control, that they are owned by lust.

They’ve been bruised by this work, by people who can’t understand why good Christian men would go into brothels.

Well I’ll tell you why good Christian men go into brothels, and I’ll tell you using Matt’s words:

“The Kingdom of God is supposed to be ushered into this world by Christians. And freedom is a big part of that for these girls, these victims. And if those who follow Christ, who love Christ, aren’t the ones who can go into battle and charge the gates of hell in the name of Christ, I don’t really know who else should be doing that…for us to have the courage to go into a dark place and perhaps see some things we’d rather not see, but we do that on behalf of a child. I think that’s what Christ actually did. He came from heaven to the brothel of earth to save a prostitute or a victim like me, and He offered me a new hope, He offered me freedom, and a new life. In my mind, this is the gospel.”

I mean, AMEN.

THIS is the gospel. It’s going to dark places and being light, and offering hope and a new life. Yes, it’s awful. But it’s also really, really good work.

Love, SM

*The Exodus Road has protocols in place, training, and accountability that is top-notch for all those who go into brothels to help find and rescue slaves.